Why i ghost a friend
Ive lost a friend cuz he radicalized to the far right.
It began with expressing criticism on ´mainstream media´, the way historical events were written (slavery) and concerns about islam and the western world.
From that viewpoint he progressed. He wouldnt believe anything on mainstream media anymore and only picked very, very biased sources. His concerns about islam turned into hatred and at that moment Israel was already demolishing Gaza. He firmly believed and spreaded the pallywood theory, suggesting it was all staged and fake. It was impossible to talk with him about that subject. On a daily base he sent very biased videos / links, trying to unlock a new discussion. He used abusive words when he talked about muslims in general, the type of words you will only read in very far right groups, the type of groups that also admire Breivik and Tarrant.
At the same time he developed the same attitude against migrants, aslyumseekers and also believed firmly in the great replacement theory (excluding the part that jews are the ones who are pushing it). Also here he would send biased videos, racist memes and links on a daily base.
As i said every discussion lead to absolutely nothing, and when i tried to be more strict he laughed it off ´im only joking man dont take things so serious'. But it was obvious that he felt comfortable in the far right ecosystem and also adapted their beliefs.
So this went on for a few months but got even worse.
On one night he literally said: ´when someone with an arabic name applies for a job at my company, i immediately throw it away without looking at it´. I also heard from mutual friends that he said something similar about him wanting his child to grow up in a predominantly white environment. He was transferring his beliefs into his real life, which i found very concerning.
I got more stricter and didnt let loose, accusing him of being a racist. His reactionwas very clear and calm. He didnt repeat his words literally, but he sold his beliefs, actions and words as common sense. From that moment, i ghosted him without any drama.
A few weeks later he felt my silence and came back with a very long apology. He said that he understood me, that i held a mirror towards him and that he was trying to quit social media. Afterwards i was stupid to accept that, so i let him in, but we had contact on a very low level.
A few weeks later i saw his words were bullshit. Despite not sending me any bullshit anymore, i could see his likes and reposts on social media and that made very clear that he was still into the far right hemisphere.
So from that moment ive ghosted him and never said a word anymore. Now nearly a year. Its useless to start a discussion or tell him why, he doesnt do anything with it anyway.
Its funny, he knows there is something wrong but he doesnt dare to ask it. Instead, he tried to check in a few times with some small talk, hoping i would bite and things would be normal again. But ive made my choice and nothings gonna change.
This situation learned me that different opinions are okay, but different values are very hard to cope with. For me, empathy, self-evaluation and humbleness are important values and this person didnt had any of them.