u/Cheap_Standard303

So I am 30 and my partner is 35. we recently had our first child together. she is currently 6 months old and exclusively breastfed and I’m lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. my partner is supportive of this dynamic and doesn’t expect me to return to work unless I wanted too.

BUT…

I worked incredibly hard before we met and I purchased and paid off my own home.

my partner works full time approx 40-50 hours a week. he provides the family approx 75% of his wage. This covers - food, electricity, phones, internet, 1 fast food night a week and any medical expenses etc. So basically everything except for the cost of our house. (I pay water, maintenance etc) but from his wage we also save some for holidays etc.

now my partner didn’t enter the relationship with any assets - not a problem. I can see his contribution to the family but I also contribute the roof over our head.

Now this is where I ask is it fair or not?
I am a SAHM that exclusively breastfeeds.
He has never woken up in the night for our baby. Not to feed, change etc. Ever. (I thought no point two of us being awake when baby is BF)

I wake up at 5am and every morning to make his coffee and pack his lunch for work and lay out his work clothes while he showers.
I do 99% of all the cooking and cleaning and laundry. I manage all household finances - including groceries etc.
He has a home cooked meal at 6pm everyday.
I look after our baby 90% of the time - he plays with her when I shower of an evening and occasionally plays with her for 30 mins here and there only on the weekend.

He works 40-50 hours a week and then comes home on a weekend and expects the weekend to be his time to rest and relax because he “pays for everything” he completely ignores the fact that we live in my home. But..

I am sorry for the long post - I just want opinions on what is fair in terms of workload with the home and baby? I feel like I do everything, I barely sleep but somehow he is the one deserving of a break on the weekend and I just continue operating 24/7 with our child.
Because in his words “you can do whatever you want during the day so that’s your free time”

would love your opinions.

I found out about the PA when I was 6 months pregnant - he promised to stop. I believed him. I trusted him.

Fast forward to 3 months postpartum - I found about his secret Snapchat account.. he had been messaging LOTS of women. Explicit content was saved in chats but I only need to imagine what was exchanged. Phone calls for hours on end in his phone records and who knows what else that has been deleted.

I sat with the information: I got a prenup, my child a passport all before confronting him because I was convinced I was leaving.

He said he’d commit suicide if I left, because he’d “have nothing without me“ (lives in my house, I’m the bread winner and obviously I’d have custody cause our baby is so young)

He promised he would change, go to therapy, he’s deleted all of his social media...

So, I’ve given it a chance. I really do love this man.

Everything seems ’normal’ it’s been a couple months BUT i am stuck in a state of hyper vigilance. I can’t stop thinking about how he hid it from me for so long. I don’t know if he has even stopped - or has just found better ways to hide it.

Has he actually stopped? How do I get out of this state of thinking about it every second of the day? I overanalyse every move he makes, constantly aware of his phone.

I feel myself going crazy… I’ve never been like this and I don’t like who I have become.

Please help me? I just want to be happy 😭