AITAH for telling my wife she ruined my 40th birthday?
I turned 40 last week. I’ve been nervously anticipating this milestone birthday for a long time. I wanted to do something big to celebrate, but I decided to save money so I wouldn’t screw up our summer vacation budget. Last year, my wife didn’t get anything. No gift, no card. We had moved a few months prior and had a baby, so I chalked it up to craziness of life and moved on. This year I don’t expect anything crazy, but at least a card and a date night. But once again, nothing. She stopped at a dollar tree and bought be some of my favorite candy on her way home day of, but that’s it. No card. No gift. Just dollar store candy.
I let it go for a few days. I foolishly thought maybe there’s something coming. Maybe she ordered it late on Amazon. Maybe there’s a surprise. But nothing came.
She thinks she has ADHD (undiagnosed) and struggles with executive functioning. She says her two times are not yet or right now which makes planning anything hard. But how hard could it be to just write me a card? Just sit in the dollar tree parking lot and put pen to paper to tell me I matter to you and the kids. Something.
We got in an unrelated argument today. The hurt i buried came out and through tears i said “you know, you kinda ruined my 40th birthday. And that hurts.”
she didn’t take it well. She screamed about how she already beats herself up over her lack of focus and planning, that there’s nothing I can say to her that she doesn’t say to herself. she went into her room and sobbed for a good while. I took the kids to the park to give her some space. We havent talked since.
AITAH for telling her the truth about my birthday? AITAH for thinking she could have and should have done something more? Or do I just need to grow up?