u/ChemicalInspection81

first of all, for anyone who finds this age gap weird, im almost 19 and he and i have been friends for four years. we met as minors, we stay friends as adults. anyways, he and i are really close (at least id say). he might act with his other friends the same way he acts with me, but i dont know. hes my only friend. hes been my only friend for a long, long time now. and yay he lives across the country. so im all alone here, lol. lately hes asked for me to move in w him, and after a bit i said maybe cuz i rlly do want to its js all really complicated over here and i quite enjoy california. i live w my mom and her bf (who i hate (both)), he knows this and its mostly why he wants me to move in. that stopped quick since he got really injured and obviously id never bring it up again unless he does which i dont expect him do and dont want him too cuz i have a guilty conscience or wtv it is. anyways, hes cared for me more than anyone. hes my best friend and will remain my best friend ALWAYS. he was the first person in my life to say hes proud of me after i passed a final i thought id fail. he was the first person to tell me "i love you" and to actually mean it. if i could have a platonic soulamte, itd be him. i know he doesnt feel the same for me though. this affection is normal for him. and his friends (who hes known for 6+ years so im too late for the best friend slot). despite all that hes still my favorite person. i love him deeply but platonically. i know i dont have romantic feelings for him because i always feel a certain way when i like someone. with him, i just feel comfortable and happy instead of butterflies and weird. i havent had romantic feelings with anyone since i was 14, before he and i even met. i know i dont love him that way, but sometimes i feel like if he loved me that way, i would too. honestly i think its just from being so lonely all the time, but i dont really know what to do. he likes women anyway lol. idky i keep thinking this way, maybe its because i keep expecting him to come get me and take me away from the place i hate, or maybe its because hes literally the only person i know. dunno! just needed it off my chest. quite hope he doesnt find this since i said some kinda specific things. i also left a lot out but itd be like a novel if i got everything off my chest.

im 18, live with my mom but my health insurance is expired, she wont help me renew it, i dont have a job so i have no clue what to put for the yearly income or tax return part so i cant even get a quote on the medi-cal thing. i have zero clue how it works and when i google it i just get scammy thing where i have to pay a billion dollars to see an incorrect quote on what benefits id get. ppl keep saying its easy but thats cuz they know their income and have somewhat stable housing. (and yes, im trying to find a job but its hard even tho i have experience. they dont care if i have a phd they still wont hire me)

first of all, my (now expired) insurance is with kaiser permenente, which im fully aware that its basically just a scam hospital that sells your info and gives you random meds so they get money. i was born with bad lungs and they wanted me to have an inhaler as a kid but my mom didnt let me.

a year ago i had a lung infection. i was prescribed Benzonatate for it and it went away after a month. this year i had another lung infection in january, they prescribed the same pill and an inhaler. it didnt go away after a month so i got antibiotics (and another inhaler i never picked up bc they didnt order it until like 2 weeks after they said they would).

it went away but since then my breathing has been bad. lately its been so bad that ive been having to use my inhaler again and it hurts my chest to inhale. during my lung infection, i called the doctor 3 times. first time they did a phone appointment, and said it might just be a lung infection. second time i asked to see an in person physician, they said no and did another phone appointment. third time i asked again, they said no but asked more questions (family heart attack and stroke history and whatnot) then just said if it gets worse go to the er.

i went to urgent care instead bc the er is expensive, the doctor asked the same questions from the first phone call, listened to my lungs (exactly what happened during my first lung infection) then said she was gonna do an x-ray but decided against it and like pretended to order another inhaler (which i didnt go get because she didnt order it and it was 8pm since kaiser staff is on strike and there was only one doctor there) and once again said go to er if it gets worse. which i said i cant cuz im broke and no longer have insurance and she didnt gaf so i gave up.

i literally cant breathe and inhalers dont do anything besides give me like 30 minute long anxiety attacks and idk what to say to them to make them actually figure out whats wrong w me. ive been going to kaiser my whole life and am constantly having medical issues (random bad joints i havent been able to run on for years now, persistent stomach aches getting diagnosed as anxiety, constant migraines when im around like anything ever, trouble breathing, mental health crisis's that they didnt listen to but prescribed antidepressants to even tho i was 12 and they only talked to me for 30 mins. literally anything and they just blow it off. they only want to look for something when you go like 100 times for the same thing but no one has enough money for that or has the time.)

its annoying and id like to just tell them my problems and have them listen and check why im having all these problems constantly. so im looking for something to tell them thatll get them to listen to me. i cant afford to go back 10 more times to convince them that im not ok.