Am I overthinking this, or is it understandable that I’m hurt?
I’m posting because I genuinely want outside opinions.
I was adopted, and growing up I always felt a little like an outsider in my own family. My mom (who adopted me) passed away two years ago, and ever since then I’ve wanted to hold onto my family relationships even more.
The problem is… I don’t feel like they want me around as much as I want to be around them.
For holidays and family gatherings, I’m rarely invited directly. A lot of the time I have to reach out myself and ask if they’re getting together or if my husband and kids can come. It makes me feel like I’m inviting myself instead of actually being wanted.
This year I skipped Christmas because I had a terrible migraine, but if I’m being honest, I was also feeling depressed losing my mom. They usually don’t tell me where everyone is gathering until just a few days beforehand anyway, so I already feel like an afterthought.
They have family group chats that I’m not included in. They have cousins who travel in from other states who are kept in the loop and included in everything, but somehow I’m always the one who finds out last or not at all.
What hurts the most is that I grew up with these cousins. We were practically raised like siblings. Because of that, I think I expected we’d stay close as adults.
Today was another family gathering that we weren’t invited to, and it brought all of those feelings back. I ended up spending the day feeling rejected, even though kind neighbors invited us to the lake and it make us feel better.
Am I overthinking this? Is it possible they’re just forgetful, or does this sound like I’m simply not a priority to them?
Has anyone else especially someone who was adopted or who lost the parent that kept everyone connected—experienced something similar? How did you cope with feeling like you belonged growing up, but somehow don’t anymore?