Birthday party
Update: My sister has decided that she won't attend my daughter's party at all. Thanks everyone.
I'm not a parent of a child with Autism I'm an Aunt. Let me preface by saying I love my nephew and I have always been apart of his life since he was 2 years old when I moved closer to my family. My nephew is mostly non verbal, he's extremely age regressed, and he can be quite violent. This was fine, we all adapted and adjusted and for 2 years I was his main baby sitter. Life got busy for me so I saw him less but I was still apart of his life and he loved his aunty, especially playing. Things changed when I became pregnant and he started punching and kicking me in my stomach. He became increasingly difficult for me to handle so I cut down the amount of time I spent watching him to at max 4 hours,I also had a high risk pregnancy so I felt the need to protect my unborn baby. My nephew is 8 and he's a big boy and heavy handed. They weren't light punches or kicks.
After my daughter was born he didn't interact with her which was fine but I feel like he struggled with not getting my attention like he used to, I didn't want to roughhouse with him as much because he didn't care if my daughter was in my arms when he'd try to get my lap for a hug. As my daughter has gotten older he's went out of his way to pinch her or kick at her or do anything to her that will give him attention. He recently put his feet on her head as I was distracted trying to change her diaper and squeezed his feet on head. My daughter was 2 months premature, she's small for her age. I spoke to his mom and after that last interaction I decided that I didn't want him at my daughter's 1st birthday party. Not only for her safety but for the expected 3 other 1 year olds expected to be there. He will snatch, hit, spit and push any one of any age to get what he wants and there's no way that my sister can be watching him the entire time to prevent what he's been doing.
Originally I talked to my sister about having time out/ safe spaces for him and other methods to help limit so of those behaviors. But after the last incident,o ne of the safety measures, my cousin was there and he still did multiple things to my daughter while both of us was there. I know he's doing a lot of the behaviors for my attention but hosting a party will have my attention every and I don't want to have to be wired trying to protect my daughter and other babies on a day meant to celebrate my daughter. My nephew is supposed to be with his dad that weekend anyways so I don't think he will be missing out on anything because he isn't the type to care. I offered to have a separate family gathering so he can be included because it's my sister who feels like he's being excluded and is upset but she declined.
We haven't spoken in a week but she just made a post about how Autism shouldn't make a child less welcome in their own family. I'm not sure what to do, am I the asshole?