u/ChickenGrouchy6610

Hi everyone,

I'm recently married, and both my husband and I are working full-time.

Like many working couples, we try to help each other with household chores. We don't have a washing machine yet, so clothes are washed by hand. A few times, my husband voluntarily helped me wash clothes. I didn't ask him to—in fact, I usually tell him not to—but he wanted to help because we were both tired after work.

Recently, when I told my father about this, he became upset. According to him, it's acceptable if my husband helps with cooking, but washing clothes—especially mine—is something a husband shouldn't do. He feels that washing clothes is a woman's responsibility, and he even considers it wrong for a husband to do so.

I'm genuinely trying to understand his perspective rather than dismiss it.

My questions are:

• Is there any Indian cultural, traditional, or religious custom that says a husband should not wash his wife's clothes?
• If a husband can cook, clean the house, or wash dishes, why would washing clothes be considered different?
• If the concern is that a man shouldn't touch a woman's unwashed clothes, then why is it considered acceptable for a woman to handle everyone's dirty clothes? What's the reasoning behind that distinction?
• Most importantly, how can I respectfully help my father understand that my husband helping me with laundry is not a sin, not disrespectful, and not something shameful? I don't want to argue with him or hurt his feelings. I simply want him to understand that we see marriage as a partnership, where we help each other when needed.

From my perspective, times have changed. Earlier, many women stayed at home while men worked outside, so household responsibilities were naturally divided differently. Today, when both partners work similar hours, sharing chores feels practical and respectful rather than a question of gender.

I'm not trying to make my husband do my work. In fact, I usually tell him not to help, but he insists because he sees us as a team. Likewise, I also help him whenever he needs me. Neither of us keeps score—we simply support each other.

I'm looking for genuine cultural or historical explanations, if there are any, rather than arguments about who is "right." I'd also appreciate advice from people who have successfully explained changing family roles to parents from an older generation while still respecting their beliefs.

Thank you.

I don’t know why these thoughts are coming back after 6 months of marriage, and I can’t share this with anyone in real life.

During my engineering 3rd year, I knew a super senior because of a project. We only spoke occasionally regarding project work and met once with friends. I always saw him respectfully as a senior.

In January 2020, he suddenly told me he wanted to marry me. That was the first time anyone had ever proposed to me. I got scared. I told him my family would never accept it and blocked him because he kept trying to convince me that he would speak to my father.

I cried for almost 2 weeks after that. Not because I loved him, but because he was genuinely a good person and I felt bad for how things ended. But at that time, I felt blocking him was the only option. and there was no contact between us

Then in May 2024, he called me again, saying he had seen me crying in a marriage hall in his dream. During that call, he realized I was still unmarried. Again, he convinced me to consider marriage and wanted to speak to my father.

As expected, my father didn’t agree because we are from different castes. My father feared I might not be treated well by his family.

But this man even convinced his mother and brother about me. His mother also called my father and later called me personally to convince me. I clearly told them I could never do something that hurts my father.

I come from a family with 4 daughters. In my village, people constantly pressured my father to marry us off early. But my father always encouraged us to study and become financially independent. There were barely any girls around me who completed graduation and got jobs.

Some people even challenged my father, saying, “You refused proposals and kept educating your daughter. Let’s see what happens.” - for sure prema ani vastundi ani valla confidence

Because of all this pressure, I never wanted my father to face humiliation because of me. I even requested that man not to contact my father anymore because I knew it would mentally disturb him.

He respected that and stopped.

As per my father’s wish, I married another man in October 2025. My husband is a good person and I am happy in my marriage so far.

But recently, when I’m alone, I keep remembering him. Maybe because his feelings felt so genuine and pure. He always respected my decisions and left me as per my request.

Now I feel guilty for remembering someone else after marriage, even though I never had a relationship with him. I don’t even know whether this is guilt, gratitude, or just unresolved emotions.