I'm considering calling my jobs EAP line. I had a mental breakdown m, intense crying and had very intense self-harm and harmful in general thoughts. I have slept but my mind feels like puzzle pieces on a Floor.
I'm considering calling off from day 2 of my second job and rescheduling it until the puzzle pieces stick.
I don't know..I feel fragile or paper thin. I don't know how to describe it properly.
I'm dealing with a situation that's beyond me. I'm having a breakdown, worried about groceries and genuinely feel scared about my situation.
I work two jobs remotely and a retail store I walk too, my partner watches our 11 month old. Well he is supposed to be but he hasn't been doing a good job at it and it's causing panic and making me leave work.. often at my remote job just to be parent while he gets angry at me for leaving work to care for our son.
He recently got a job and hasn't started yet so things will have to be changed. I hear our son crying longer then six minutes in the next room and he isn't trying to sooth him, my customers can hear it so I stop and soothe my son while he just looks annoyed and angry that I left work.
He tells me I asked for this, I didn't we planned for this baby. I journaled this but he is gaslighting me about giving me reassurance of this planned baby. Because I had a child before this who passed away and I lacked the support and worried about support and he gave me reassurance it will be different.
I'm the main breadwinner. Moving closer to family feels like a mistake because since the move he's mentally downgrading he wants to smoke weed and be lazy and controlling like when he lived in the east coast he wanted me to be outside more and active but now that we are in the south again it's like he doesn't even want me taking the dog out to go
Used to bathroom and getting upset.
He has a life that most people say they envy from
What his past friends said but he doesn't think because who wants a family and a job. I don't know. He's complaining about being depressed and thinks his life sucks compared to other men.
I'm crying considering going to a psych ward because of my thoughts right now because I'm worried I'm going to get fired I'm worried about food and rent. He says he can't leave us because the baby is apart of his DNA and he won't let anyone have access to his DNA.
I called around daycares and he's against daycares because it'll do harm to the baby. I just want him to watch the baby while I work that's all. I want him to actually soothe him and try. I don't think he cares it's degrading me because he feels I'm being sensitive.
I feel so stuck.