u/ChoiceFee3441

I guess I need to vent. I feel like an awful person.

My friend randomly came to me a month ago and told me she was planning to see her GP because she thought she might have ADHD.
It was kind of out the blue to me, as it’s not something she had ever spoken about before. And honestly, I’ve never once got that vibe.

A large number of my family members are neurodivergent, I have A LOT of neurodivergent friends, and I’ve been attending an ADHD support group for many years. Safe to say, I’m surrounded by people with ADHD & ASD.
I feel like a lot of us can see it in one another, and can often draw together. Essentially… we know our tribe.
And yet this person is someone that to me has always came across as very neurotypical. I saw no signs.

That being said, I helped her with the referral process.
I was particularly shocked at how quickly she filled out all her pre assessment forms. She finished them all in the space of a single afternoon.
I personally took weeks, even though I was eager to get them done. It was a huge struggle, I needed help and even with help, it took hours to fill some of them.
I appreciate that everyone is different though, and that maybe she just hyper focused.

She sent me a checklist of symptoms/traits. And some of them checked out.
But at the same time… I feel like ADHD is more than being able to tick things off on a checklist.
There are some traits that any regular person could occasionally experience.
The difference is that with ADHD those symptoms are impairing. They affect your ability to function and live your life. To do every day tasks that ‘normal’ people don’t think twice about doing.

And I think this is where I’ve struggled a bit with all of this.
Because this person is not significantly impaired. She is high functioning. She has ‘traits’. But no significant impairment. Although I appreciate that she could be masking.

She got her diagnosis and instead of feeling happy for my friend, I feel upset.
I struggled, fought, and waited for years to get a diagnosis. Whereas she went from referral to diagnosis in the space of 3-4 weeks.

I hate myself right now. Because I don’t want to feel this way. I feel like such an awful friend. It’s not fair to question or doubt her. It’s not fair to resent her for how easily she got her diagnosis.
I’m questioning myself and my reaction. Am I trying to gatekeep her?
Why do I feel this way?

Maybe it makes my own diagnosis feel invalid?
Like… if it’s that easy to get diagnosed, then maybe my diagnosis isn’t valid?
It makes me question the RTC/private providers. A lot of them seem to rush through the assessment.
My own assessment wasn’t even an hour long.
Are they misdiagnosing people?
Are they not being as thorough or rigorous as the NHS?
Diagnostic requirements are about impairment. Not traits. And yet… people are getting diagnosed for traits?

Obviously, there’s a lot of myths and stigma around ADHD being over diagnosed. The media hasn’t helped us at all. But right now, I feel like my own feelings about this feed into that narrative! A narrative that I despise!

I don’t know. I’m rambling and this is long.
But I need to let it out somewhere where someone might understand.
Please be kind. I know that I’m an asshole for this, and feel like a POS over it. I’m just trying to process whatever these thoughts and emotions I’m feeling are.
And I probably need to come up with an action plan for going forward. Ideally I’d just say that it’s not a subject I want to discuss with her. But that seems cruel and dismissive.
This is clearly a ‘me’ problem. So I need to work out how to deal with it all.