u/CitizenOfTheWorld8

TL;DR: it’s my ex’s secret girlfriend’s/AP’s birthday today and I am reaaally itching to text her something along the lines of: “Hey, happy birthday, last year on your bday your bf was calling me in between your dinner courses.”

Long story very long - VENTING BIG TIME:

I (30F) knew my ex (40M) as a family friend for roughly 8 years before we started dating - our parents were good friends. When we started officially dating - both our families were excited, seemed like it was a long time coming. I was welcomed at all the family events, celebrating birthdays/holidays all together, going on trips with his siblings, privy to “family matters”, and all other “girlfriend duties”. His family are/were very tight knit - I adored them and their relationships, big reason why I was with him. I really loved and trusted this man, and for the first time, at 30 yo, I was actually keen on the idea of a family and children (I was happily single for 10 years before dating him).

One evening he fell asleep and I saw his phone left out, he was always low on charge, so I wanted to plug it in, I saw a message from someone he said was a business partner whenever that contact called - saved only as initials, thought it was something important - maybe I should wake him up, opened it (had his passcode), aaaand I guess you know the rest - found out what I wasn’t supposed to.

He tried to lie himself out of it: “it just happened, it’s an ex that doesn’t even live here anymore, we just texted, nothing happened…”. I kicked him out of my apartment but had the foresight to save the number.

Texted her (31F). Come to find out that they’ve been together for 6 years (in the courting stage he told me he’d been single for 5 yrs, lol). We compared notes and to give you some highlights: they were renting an apartment together, were actively trying for a baby, she took out quite a large loan for him, she had no idea about me, the asshole gave her my car to drive when I was out of town, she had his location so he told her that when he was staying with me that he’s spending time with his brother in his apartment (was mine), all his “business trips” he told me he’s going on were trips with her and vice versa. She said she’d been trying to get him to connect her with his family again, that they didn’t talk, but that he was stalling all the time (for 5 yrs?!) and now she understands why.

She told me she’s coming back from holiday in a week and would like to meet up with me before seeing him but that she’s absolutely done with him. And I gave her aaaall the receipts - screenshots, photos, you name it.

With her blessing, I sent screenshots of my conversation with her to the family group chat. His mum calls - apologetic, disappointed, ashamed, heartbroken, I felt so bad for her and the family - they never knew, he was lying to all of them too for at least 5 years, and that they were all hoping he had turned a new leaf by dating me but apparently not. She told me that this was the ex they both (mum and ex) told me about a while back, THE EX that the family hated, bcs she was apparently an ex-escort, they often did coke together 6 yrs ago, and the family apparently gave him an ultimatum: choose, her or us. He chose to lie to EVERYONE.

He had the guts to text me a scathing message - that what I am doing (uncovering the truth to his family and secret GF) is the lowest of the low. Basically, that I am the devil incarnate - “I thought I was bad, but you could outdo anyone. I didn’t know anyone could be this mean”, were his final words to me, and then he blocked me.

The thing is. The girl never texted me when she got back. And I later find out that after ALL THAT she took him back and looks like they’re still together.

It’s been ~6 months since DDay. I went through a crazy depression (still trying to get myself out of it), an absolute mental mindfuck - my whole reality crumbled to pieces - my view of him, of men, of trust, relationships, friendships, I am just starting to function as a human being again, my beloved apartment in my beloved city that I designed myself is empty bcs I cant stand being alone there for more than 2 nights - everything reminds me of him (mind you I’ve lived alone since I was 16 and adored it) so I’ve moved into my parents’ home in the burbs - where I previously couldn’t spend more than 2 nights bcs of how boring it is. I had “reverse parents issues” - my parents were such a great example to me of what love is that I waited 10 yrs to get with someone who seemed to be looking for the same type of relationship as me, with the same values and cultural background, same life goals, shared interests, intelligence, topics for discussion - I saw it all in him. Before and during our relationship I was outgoing, fun-loving, extroverted, so many hobbies, interests - Now? I am a shell of the woman I used to be… I don’t want to do shit, cut off most my friends. And worst of all - I am still in love not with him but with the mask he presented me with, the ILLUSION I made up in my head supported by all his lies, the man I THOUGHT he was.

He broke me, and HE GOT AWAY WITH IT - bcs she took him back and he’s fine, happy as a fucking clam.

And right now I am itching to send her that happy birthday message with screenshots of my ex’s messages to me on her birthday last year. He told me and his family he’s on a business trip, actually he was on a trip with her (something we found out with her when comparing notes) - I checked the messages from last year and he managed to call me like 3 times THE DAY OF HER BIRTHDAY for at 5-10 mins each, two of the phone calls in the evening around dinner time, and we texted throughout the day (same for all the days before and after). HOOOW does she take someone like this back?

I’m not mad at the fact I wasn’t the one he chose to chase around after shit hit the fan, I couldn’t be with a man like that after what I found out. I want nothing to do with him. What I’m pissed off about is him getting away with it and her enabling him by taking him back. I can’t even imagine all the fucking lies he told her to get her to stay. I know it is all so petty but I just want him to suffer and I want revenge so bad and fuck everything up for him, remind her of WTF she took back.

I guess I sound crazy. I’ve never been a vengeful person, but I’ve also never been betrayed like this and there is just so much fucking rage in me.

Talk me out of this please. Tell me that it’ll just backfire. PLEASE tell me that karma fucking exists.

Spending the summer in Haifa tips?