u/Claire_Wyatt

My kid has been diagnosed with orthographic dyslexia. They are in 8th grade and have never been able to spell at grade level.

However, their reading comprehension is at a very high level because they read and figure out the words based on the context. They are a slow reader because it takes time for them to read, but the are very intelligent and have extremely large vocabulary. Their reading level has always been at the very top and many grades above.

Because they get good grades, read at a high level, and is an excellent student, the teachers are just brushing off their inability to spell and say that they can just use the computer and use spellcheck.

I am wondering if this is the right approach.

Should we just give up on my child being able to spell even simple words?

I feel like no one even tried to really teach them how to spell in a way that would work for people with orthographic dyslexia.

if we were to provide additional support, what kind of tutoring or support a child who is twice exceptional with orthographic dyslexia need?
thank you very much.

edited to add: my kid gets marked down for spelling. they score high in everting else, so teachers dismiss our concern and my kid’s feelings. “don’t be upset, you got 96%!” Well, my kid feels “I worked hard and would have gotten 100 if it weren’t for disability that I have.”

Grief is not linear.

I love my kid and want him to be happy. I use his new name, his new pronoun. I was never gendered with clothes, so I have always supported my kid’s preferences for clothing and hair. When he was little, he wore dresses - his preference. I always preferred gender neutral clothes but my kid went many years wearing nothing but dresses. He insisted that I buy dresses. His preferences, not mine.

I really miss my daughter. Recently I got triggered by music. My kid used to love and sing that song over and over. I have been a mess since that day. I cry everyday. Some days, teary eyes and other days I cry really hard for hours. I can feel my heart shatter. my chest really hurts.

I never wanted a boy. I kept saying I hope it’s a girl. When the doctor told us we were going to have a girl, I was so happy and relieved.

My kid was a happy little girl. I did not buy Barbie dolls and princesses but he wanted them so much, so grandparents bought them for him.

He used to dress up as a princess, a fairy, ballerina. Such a confident girl with lots of laughter. He prefers brightly colored clothes and flashy jewelry.

Then puberty hit. He was not ready to have his period. We read books, talked about it, got supplies in advance and practiced putting on pads. But emotionally he wasn’t ready. He did not want to grow up. He said at the time he was sad about growing up. He was the only kid who had his period in his grade for a few months until another girl got her period.

He began to hate himself and his body. He had a traumatic breakup. He became depressed and his self esteem tanked.

And then he came out as trans. His Mental health continued to deteriorate.

I feel like puberty and the breakup rewired his brain. He does not feel like the same person.

There is a flicker of his old self in there but it is buried deep. Sometimes I don’t recognize this person that is my child.

On days like today, it is painful to be in the same room as him. I can’t tell him why I am sad but I can’t stop crying so I go into the bathroom and take a very long shower so that I can cry privately.

I held something icy cold and fought back tears. After my kid went to bed, I let it loose. I have been crying nonstop for hours now.

I know not everyday is this intense. But, right now it is unbearable. How am I expected to go to sleep , wake up, do a good job at work and be a good parent at home after I have been crying daily for weeks.

I know that this intensity will pass although I can’t believe it. When he first came out, I grieved hard and cried daily for months. What I am feeling now feels almost as intense as then but slightly less.

I miss my daughter. He has two kids at his school with the same name as his old name. I cannot say that name. the loss is too painful.

Seeing him being unhappy with the way he looks and his body is so sad and heartbreaking. He used to love swimming. Now he won’t swim. He hides in his oversized hoodie.

His future worries and scares me.

Parenting is so damn hard and parenting a trans kid makes it infinitely more difficult and complicated.

I love my kid and will go to the hell and back to protect and support him. But I do not see him as the same kid. I feel that I lost a child and gained another. I mourn the loss of that child that lives in the past.

I am in therapy and on an antidepressant. I stay strong because my kid and my family need me and I need to keep going. They all depend on me.

My kid has always been very intense with new friendship. always wanting to hang out with the new friend. always asking if they want to call / FaceTime. when they were little, occasionally I felt I had to say no to a play date request because it would be literally every weekend and several days a week my kid would ask if I can ask the friend’s parents for a play date. I felt it was socially inappropriate to ask that often!

Now a teen, I have an additional layer of worries. I cannot tell whether the new friendship is platonic or romantic. I can see my kid texting to this friend if they want to FaceTime very frequently and 9/10 times it is my kid asking if they want to call.

How do I tell my kid to be aware that the relationship is not one sided and that their level of intensity and energy need to match the other person’s.

I don’t get a sense that the other kid feels annoyed but they are also a really nice and kind kid, so they may be just being nice.

A similar thing happened not too long ago and it turned romantic followed by a breakup which destroyed my kid and the have not recovered from it even after almost a year.

I am worried.