I cheated while trying to leave a relationship. Am I just making excuses?
I'm 27(m)and my girlfriend is 23. We've been together for about three years.
The first year was mostly good, but over time our relationship became increasingly unhealthy. We started arguing more and more, and eventually it felt like we were both resentful and constantly on edge with each other.
Early on, a lot of our arguments were about independence. She had a hard time understanding why I wanted to spend time with my friends or have time to myself, and those disagreements often escalated.
As time went on, I wasn't innocent either. I became resentful from all the fighting, and I'll admit that I started picking arguments over small things because I was frustrated and constantly expecting another fight. We were both contributing to the toxic cycle.
About six months ago, I decided I wanted to end the relationship because I didn't think either of us was happy anymore.
Whenever I tried to break up, she would bring up videos she'd recorded during our arguments. From my perspective, the clips showed me yelling back after she'd already been screaming at me, but they didn't include what happened beforehand. I know yelling isn't okay regardless, but I felt like the videos were being used to paint me as the sole aggressor.
She also told me that if I left, she would send those videos to my friends, my family, and even people at my workplace. Whether people consider that blackmail, coercion, or manipulation, I felt trapped. Every time I tried to leave, I felt like I was choosing between staying in a relationship I no longer wanted to be in or risking my reputation and personal relationships.
Last week, I went to Seattle and Vancouver with friends for the Club World Cup. One night I got drunk and ended up making out with someone else.
I know that was cheating. I'm not proud of it, and I'm not trying to say it was the right thing to do. I fully accept that I made that decision.
What I'm struggling with is that part of me feels like I only ended up in that situation because I'd been trying to leave the relationship for months and felt trapped. Another part of me thinks maybe I'm just using that as an excuse to avoid taking full responsibility.
I'm not looking for validation or for people to tell me cheating is okay. I know it isn't. I'm just trying to understand whether the context changes how you would view what happened.
Does feeling trapped in a relationship change how you'd view what I did at all, or is cheating still 100% on me regardless of the circumstances? If you've been in a similar situation, I'd appreciate hearing your perspective.