u/Clean-Evening-7328

I am in an affair with a good friend of mine. We are both married.

A poorly timed kiss and a mutual friend saw us. Friend is not somebody I text or talk to much, but we have been doing a weekly group activity together (sorry for being vague) for like 5 years, and all 3 of us have been part of the same parent group for longer.

Also turns out the friend and my affair partner have also had an affair in the past. I couldn't care less about their history together, but the friend got pretty upset upon seeing. Who could blame them? They are married so I'm pretty confident that they will keep the news to themselves. Probably makes it even more upsetting not being able to talk to anybody about it.

AP and I have talked about it enough, and I'm well aware that AP is in a more awkward situation than me here. I'm pretty pleased with how we've handled it between us.

I keep thinking I should reach out to the friend, but I don't know what good would come of it. I really don't want to know about their past with my AP, and it's not like I would fill them in on all our gory details. I don't feel like our affairs are each other's business. But we WILL eventually be at a party or some other event together, and I hate having this awkward thing hanging over me out in the universe somewhere. I'd rather it be addressed in private than have our first encounter be at a birthday party with our kids there.

What do you guys think? Am I being ridiculous worrying about the friend's feelings? Can any good come from checking in with them? What's a reasonable amount of time after the incident to do so?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

We (40m 42f) are 2 months into an "amicable divorce process" and my stbx is driving me insane. They asked for a divorce numerous times, and I finally caved. Twice. The first time we kissed and made up and lasted a few years, but I, for one, never really got over it. When divorce started being threatened again. When it started being used as a control mechanism again, I said let's do this.

They're going to keep the house. I don't want it, they have their reasons for staying. But I've been advised not to move out until things are final.

I have moved on emotionally, and I'm sort of biding my time. The problem is that it's just so... normal. We're still both full-time parents, still living and coparenting together. They're being nice. More than nice. Affectionate. Loving. Sometimes we have sex, which is obviously nice, but I'm pretty clear every time about what it doesn't signify. My mind is made up.

Of course it's easier for them now. I stopped caring about what they do, so there is no pressure. I'm withdrawing so they're reaching. Maybe it's just comfort and familiarity. They're talking about wanting to travel together and telling me they love me. I am looking towards the future and I don't really know how to process this.

I don't think they have processed what it really means to get divorced, even now. I don't think they realize that saying they wanted it over and over already made me force myself to wall off that part of my heart. I don't think they realize that they won't be able to count on me for emotional support anymore. That I don't want to make fun plans with them. I know I shouldn't have sex with them but a fucked up part of me is enjoying the irony of them reaching when they spent their whole marriage withdrawing.

Has anybody else dealt with this? Should I be worried about their reaction when we get closer to finalizing? How did it go for you?