u/Clean_Map7728

EDIT: Although I have always been there for my mom, she still always favours my brother over me. She gave him 8k toward his college debt when she got the insurance payout through, but gave nothing to me. At the time as I mentioned I had a lot of debt, and out of envy for my brother I took the money. I understand that I am a POS, but I just wanted people to see it better from my view.

This is something I’ve never told anyone because I know how disgusting it makes me sound.

A couple of years ago my mom received a large insurance payout after my grandfather passed away. She wasn’t rich by any means, but it was more money than she’d ever had at one time. She trusted me with a lot of things, including helping her with online banking because she wasn’t very confident with technology.

At the time I was drowning in debt. Credit cards, loans, gambling, stupid decisions. I convinced myself that if I “borrowed” $10,000 I’d pay it back before she ever noticed.
I transferred the money into an account she didn’t know about.

I never paid it back.

The worst part is that she eventually started talking about how she couldn’t understand where so much of her savings had gone. She blamed herself. She thought she’d made mistakes or forgotten about bills she’d paid. I sat there and agreed that it was strange.

She still tells people I’m the most trustworthy person she knows.

Every birthday and Christmas she thanks me for always helping her out with paperwork and banking. Every time she says it I feel sick because she has no idea the person she trusts most is the one who betrayed her.

Financially, I’m in a much better place now. I could pay her back today. But I don’t even know how I’d explain it after all this time without destroying our relationship.

Living with the guilt has been its own punishment, but I know that’s nowhere near what I deserve. I don’t expect sympathy. I just needed to admit it somewhere, even if it’s anonymously.

EDIT: Although I have always been there for my mom, she still always favours my brother over me. She gave him 8k toward his college debt when she got the insurance payout through, but gave nothing to me. At the time as I mentioned I had a lot of debt, and out of envy for my brother I took the money. I understand that I am a POS, but I just wanted people to see it better from my view.

This is something I’ve never told anyone because I know how disgusting it makes me sound.

A couple of years ago my mom received a large insurance payout after my grandfather passed away. She wasn’t rich by any means, but it was more money than she’d ever had at one time. She trusted me with a lot of things, including helping her with online banking because she wasn’t very confident with technology.

At the time I was drowning in debt. Credit cards, loans, gambling, stupid decisions. I convinced myself that if I “borrowed” $10,000 I’d pay it back before she ever noticed.
I transferred the money into an account she didn’t know about.

I never paid it back.

The worst part is that she eventually started talking about how she couldn’t understand where so much of her savings had gone. She blamed herself. She thought she’d made mistakes or forgotten about bills she’d paid. I sat there and agreed that it was strange.

She still tells people I’m the most trustworthy person she knows.

Every birthday and Christmas she thanks me for always helping her out with paperwork and banking. Every time she says it I feel sick because she has no idea the person she trusts most is the one who betrayed her.

Financially, I’m in a much better place now. I could pay her back today. But I don’t even know how I’d explain it after all this time without destroying our relationship.

Living with the guilt has been its own punishment, but I know that’s nowhere near what I deserve. I don’t expect sympathy. I just needed to admit it somewhere, even if it’s anonymously.