u/Clear-Garbage-4500

I am a few years post-grad working in the industry and I am looking to get out or move on to something with a different career trajectory within the industry. I have been working with a utility contractor and just can't stand it anymore, and I know going back into the woods full time as a field tech is not gonna sit well with me either.

I'm wondering if anyone has made a pivot to get into more work related to international development, climate change research, policy, etc. Those are the things that interested me the most when I was a student, and I miss actively talking and working with people on those issues. I want to be able to travel more and have high upward mobility. Any thoughts on how this could be done? I am getting the feeling that forestry is becoming a bit of a dead-end career. I hope that isn't true but any insight on how to get "unstuck" from menial work or low-paying managerial jobs would be appreciated.

Hey all, I am near Michigan State University, just for context.

I graduated from with a degree in forestry a couple of years ago and I am looking to pivot into something more friendly to my life goals; being close to family/friends, having higher earning potential, being able to travel more, etc. I believe getting into packaging design via a master's degree could be a really interesting new challenge for me and might help expand my horizons career-wise. I enjoy and do well in math and physics so I don't think that would be a barrier.

Has anyone made a similar pivot from an unrelated background? Any tips on how this could be done or general pointers regarding career moves?

I don't really want to kill myself, it's a lot of work, it's very hit or miss too. There's a non-zero chance I just end up maiming or permanently disabling myself by doing it. I wish I got cancer or something socially acceptable so I could start the dying now tbh.

Then people might care more and see me more in a way that encourages real connection. And it means I wouldn't have to worry about the future that I never wanted.

I've had friends from childhood die for various health reasons already, I'm only 24. They were good people, one in particular I wish I could have taken his place. He had a good life, a good outlook, I don't. I have almost nothing to lose right now, I wish it could have been me instead, he would have had a life better spent than me.

I just feel so fundamentally broken. Whenever anything gets hard I so badly want to scream and jump off a building or something or just cry a shit ton. I feel like a big suicidal mess most days. Sometimes I have fun but once the fun is over there's a huge emotional whiplash in the opposite direction. I hate this.

I grew up with an alcoholic father who was wildly unpredictable and physically and emotionally abusive. From the ages of 0 - 13 my house was a dangerous place to be and for obvious reasons that has had pretty intense ripple effects into my life today. Thankfully my parents divorced after that and my house became home for once. However, I am constantly working on myself just to feel like a normal human being rather than always being scared or avoidant of new things that come my way in life. Intellectually it is easy to understand, but emotionally it takes so much longer to feel it all through.

I often find myself, when sad, or when I am working out, or when I am just having a bit of a shit day, just having an uncontrollable feeling of rage arising in my body and I immediately feed it in my mind. It has never led to any outburst or anything but I know if I saw my dad, in the present, I would flip my lid. I have so much pent up frustration and hatred for how he treated me and my sister and mom. I want to be everything that he wasn't, and I know this anger is getting in the way of that goal. I so badly wish I could tell him how poorly I think of him, how disgusting his actions were, how much he squandered his life, how much he hurt me for life, but I know that he wouldn't hear it anyway.

I know it would be wasted, but I have had such a difficult time trying to climb out of that hole of anger and feel okay again. What can I do, what would wise action look like in this situation? How can I redirect these feeling, this energy I have pent up into something that waters seeds of love instead?

I'll preface by saying yes I am in therapy and have access to mental health care, and I consider myself very fortunate for that.

That said, I consistently see thoughts of wanting to die, or thoughts fixated on the idea of death popping up in my mind when trying to meditate regularly. Almost without fail these thoughts will show up. Some with just morbid curiosity, and others with more direct intention to them. I know I am not my thoughts, and I don't necessarily want to act on them, but I worry about continuing to meditate when these thoughts so consistently appear. I don't want their persistence to sway me, so to speak.

I've always had them, that I know, but I was just wondering if there was any general advice on dealing with difficult or "dark" emotions that arise during meditation, even if I am generally in good spirits beforehand. I want to be able to manage these instead of just suppressing them out of necessity all the time.

I studied natural resources and I am looking to go back to school for either Civil Engineering (2 years) or a Masters in LA (also 2 years). I am unsure of which path I should take as the idea of LA appeals to me a LOT but I am worried it will have the same bottle-necking issue that my natural resource degree has had, along with lousy pay. I know civil pays well, even if they like to complain, and it is probably the "safe" path, but I also want to make sure I am doing work I am genuinely interested in, if possible.

I love urban design, urban forestry, and anything that has to do with sustainable or green infrastructure, and I love working with people. I am extremely people-minded and a purely technical role probably wouldn't appeal to me long-term.

Thoughts?