u/Clear_Comb8951

So people were confused or offended when I said "Islam gave me depression" or "I developed depression after becoming a practicing Muslim" I will elaborate my condition further to you guys

So I was born in Türkiye. As you all know majority is sufi or ashari. People dont even know what it Athari or Salafi its not even counted as a thing here.

When I was 15 I was tired of this life cuz nothing satisfied me so I thought of my Akhira. But I noticed something. Everytime I ask my family or anyone "Is this Halal? Should I believe in this? Should I implement this?" Everyone would give a different answer with different explanation and different source and different reason of why I should believe them. I was so confused. So I started searching online in English and joined a foreign Muslim server (which happened to be Salafi) and I discovered Salafiyyah. It made so much sense as to why should I believe it so I immediately accepted it. Then I learnt 80% of things I didnt know or did in my life were Haram. And my Religious OCD that was untreated pushed me even further and I became suicidal and extremely depressed.

Türkiye is a very corrupted place when it comes to Deen. I had to unfriend my male best friend (who is my childhood friend) had to unfriend my non-Muslim friend who was my best friend. Had to stop listening music and so on. And after my ocd affected me (I had Religious ocd since I was 6 and was sent to a psychiatrist) I went extreme and overlimited myself to the point I couldnt breathe and I feel that gave me genuine trauma. Im still recovering from that phase. I was a sufi before. I learnt Salafiyyah at 16. And after 2 years of practicing Im experiencing burn out.

Also please dont tell me to get married I tried everything its not possible for me at the moment. I have many reasons why I cannot marry

I also received dms about people trying to make me give up on Salafiyyah. please dont do that

I want to be honest. I hate that I have to pray. To not be able to celebrate birthdays. To wear hijab. To not be able to celebrate new years. To not be able to freemix or date or do you know what. I hate that I keep having to worry about if this is ok or not. I dont want to lie. Islam gave me depression. Because it goes against my nafs so much to the point I feel overwhelmed and the fact I have Religious ocd makes it 10 times worse. I experienced trauma. And I dont care if youre gonna call me posessed or takfir me. I still have Iman. I pray. I love Islam for the sake of ALLĀH even tho inside my heart I hate to do many things. I dont know what to do and how to find balance between dunya and Akhira. And I dont know how to trust and hope for the mercy of ALLĀH even if I sin

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