u/Comfortable-Leek9355

Post issues - Family physical and emotional abuse

Secondary school
Worst 5 years of my life. Was in a constant state of depression. Didn’t eat enough + never had energy. Inevitably it took a role on my body and i dropped weight.

I would make excuses not to go to school because i hated the environment. My mum never understood though and would get mad at me for not attending, other times forcing me to go to school as well as my dad. They always made my life about them and “making them proud”. You want the best for me yet actively work against trying to help me?

I never got medical help during this time as my mum refused to let me go.

Sixth form college

Had comments made about my body that i wasn’t comfortable with but had no one to tell. Got extremely depressed during the winter and i could barely function. My iron levels dropped so low i looked green. At this time i went to the GP and i was put on iron supplements.

After the course was completed i had asked my mum if i could instead take A-levels online where i would self study, and she said no. The next year i’m doing another course that i don't care about.

I was having problems with appetite so i went to the GP to get a ED referral. My Dad found out and came with me to the GP (i didn't want him to) he then proceeded to lash out at the practitioner who's job was to help me. She was a sweet lady and my dad was asking her so many personal and brash questions. She was very uncomfortable and started to tear up to which she left the room and got the head of the GP. The head of the GP then explained what they were doing and then my father put on an act as if he wasn't just being incredibly rude to the lady a moment ago. It was incredibly awkward and i felt so bad for her, and my father was smiling.

At 18 i had suffered 10 years of depression and then later would get worse to Major depressive disorder with possible bpd and bipolar. I would suffer through the course for 2 years. Back and forth arguments with my parents and my dad threatening to hit me on multiple occasions. He also pushed me down the stairs.

I met this kind lady at the reception who offered to help me with getting a diagnosis.I applied this time for an adhd diagnosis which i'm in the midst of doing and then autism, i decided to start with adhd so i can get medicated. Inevitably my mum got mad at me and demanded why i was going to the GP.

Now i'm 19 and currently at home planning to take a-levels and then go to university. My parents still don't approve but i'm tired of letting them take over my life. It was only when i told my current boyfriend that he assured me my parents don't want whats best for me. From that i decided to take more control of my life after wasting my teenage years.

But yeah! I'm currently doing well and i'm able to study each day about topics i'm interested in. I'm able to draw without feeling stressed or breaking down! It feels like the first time i've been able to take control.

M19 says that i never change and that he doesn’t care anymore F19

Been together for a year and 3 months

Arguments

We argue and he’ll call me names like idiot while i’m trying to resolve what’s happening. I occasionally misread when a situation between us happens and i don’t know how he feels until he’s avoided the topic for multiple days then kind of splurges it out like a volcano of heat. I’m always very careful about what i text and i always agree with him that what i did was wrong, and apologise. Though i always do my best to try and find a solution we can make to stop things from being misinterpreted or getting ghosted for multiple days.

I have told him previously that this affects me and we had a talk in the park about it, to which when i tried to start to conversation he was on his phone watching something and when i asked if he could turn it off so we could talk he said i should wait till the video ends which i did. But i don’t know if he was actually paying attention to what i said…

We ultimately never actually resolve the issue and he says “whatever”and “i don’t care.” which always leaves me feeling really anxious that i could vomit. I never intentionally want to hurt him and i always feel like i have to mentally pinch myself when having a conversation so i don’t do or say something stupid that may offend him. I also have a habit of just rambling in general.

He says that’s i never change and that it’s pointless even though i’ve been trying to better myself by going to the gym, eating healthier and taking my iron, vitamins etc. I’m not perfect and i slack regularly trying to balance toxic parents and school.

But i finally actually went to the gym which was a huge accomplishment and i enjoyed it! From when i would tremble just at thought of the gym, and now i cook myself full meals like platefuls compared to when i used to eat scraps and going to therapy as well, trying to be more level headed. I also really try and resolve these conflicts even offering to go to the park to solve it or on the phone rather than text because i know certain messages may come off completely wrong.

It hurts a lot when he says this because it genuinely makes me feel like all this effort i put in not just for myself but for him as well is obsolete … i never bring it up though since i don’t want to make him feel invalidated to what he’s feeling when he’s upset so i keep it to myself.

The argument will then end with me apologising and then him saying he doesn’t care and i never change, then when i try to nudge us to come to an agreement together he just spams memes or GIFS at me… which isn’t the first time he’s done this this. He says he’s tired and exhausted of me which i said i understand.

Ultimately i never feel 100% sure to tell him what’s on my mind half the time since i just always feel like im the one getting the hear and that i shouldn’t voice anything since im already a hassle and annoying to deal with.

Overall i just want to be able to talk and fix problems that we have instead of burying it in the sand. And be able to voice my emotions more freely.

I’d love to hear some advice, i really need it…

sorry if i come across as an absolute loser it’s been pretty rough recently.