u/Comfortable_Car7994

Hi reddit... I made this account for a story on the same guy earlier this year but deleted it because... you'll see why.

I had no idea how to word this title, because it's a very specific situation that I hardly understand. Basically, I dated this guy for about 6 months, he's a youtuber and a streamer on twitch. Everything started out great, he was always so sweet and loving, and he would talk about living together and having a child together, blah blah (I sound cynical and you'll see why). I didn't have any issues with him, he was funny and perfectly my type in every way. This all began to go downhill after I asked if we could either have a facetime call, or play a game (any game) together once a week, because I wanted to see him (and that's what couples do, you know)(we are long distance btw). We had a long talk about how he wanted to do that, but his schedule as a youtuber and streamer doesn't allow for him to cut out more than one hour like that for anyone, not even his friends. I was like "okay, then what about just whenever you have enough free time and want to spend time with me".

We tried that for like--a week-- and he told me he can't do it anymore, that the more time he spends away from his work makes him feel incredibly stressed out, that he would much rather spend his free time relaxing and not playing with me because that makes it just another thing he has to do, etc. I was accepting of that, because I am not a youtuber trying to make it on my own, so I thought I don't understand what constant work may go into that. Even though the content he makes is simple ASMR videos of him eating whatever he decided to eat that day, and editing out the background noise. (I tried that myself one time as a hobby, it took me 1 hour and 40 minutes to make a 20 minute video... hm).

Time went on, and our relationship started to do something between dwindling, and completely crashing and burning. A little "I miss you" from me every once in a while, watching him become less excited to see me even when I sent spicy things, talking to me less and less. When I brought it up to him however many times, he would either get really defensive or avoidant. "I've already tried to communicate this many times I feel", and it's about how he cannot handle anything too complicated... like a girlfriend trying to spend time with him that's longer than 20 minutes, or... trying to have a SERIOUS conversation about boundaries, or where the relationship is headed. He says "we just spent an hour talking about something, I can't have that."

Ever since the first conversation, I could feel him charging up to break up with me. And he eventually did; called me crying and saying he's sorry and he can't do it over and over. He was panicking hard, so I decided to be calm and accept us breaking up. He still wanted to be friends, and when I mentioned the sex stuff, he said that was fine too (the conversation led there because he told me to keep his nudes). So then we were FWB for a while.

My feelings got in the way the first time, and we dropped to just friends for a while. For those couple months when things were good, he genuinely made me feel like I was his whole world. I started sort of depending on him emotionally, feeling like he was my soulmate and that this was a happily ever after kind of thing. Having that torn away, but also having him still want to be in my life was incredibly confusing to me. Even to this day, it's been extremely hard to move on from him, considering he's still very much here.

We tried FWB again two days ago, and I thought "okay, this time we'll talk about it first in depth, and set boundaries and let each other know of our preferences." So I asked him about things like whether or not he'd have more than one FWB at a time, how long he expects to do it with me... and apparently this was his final straw. He told me that I really shouldn't be thinking about it that hard, and that "it's just fun". He told me that he'd want to pursue a real relationship one day, and he'd tell me and leave when it was that time. I told him something along the lines of "but I'm here" and "why can't it be me" and he says he doesn't want that complexity of someone standing over his shoulder waiting for him to be ready again.

I've been confused for a really long time. I'm starting to not want to talk to him at all anymore. I thought we were going to live together at the start of this year, and now I'm just some transitional eye candy until he's done with it. And if he was going to try to date me again when he's ready, I'm not even sure I'll want to try, because all I've been shown is someone who is deathly afraid to show up in a relationship. How would he ever be able to handle fatherhood? And he says it's all just because of the point he's at in life, and that he can't handle complications in his life right now. All he does every day is get up, order McDonalds, eat it in front of a camera and then play videogames until he goes to sleep. I've seen homeless people with a more faceted life. He has a whole family to fall back on, and almost 100k in inheritance that is open to him at any time. He even has two degrees (one in psychology and one in film).

Am I missing something? I've lost trust in this man that he will ever improve in communication skills, because I really don't believe his life is that complicated that he cannot handle one hour for a girlfriend. I'm thinking it's not his life, but something in his brain that he needs to get checked out...maybe chronic anxiety. So I just want opinions. Especially from people who are youtubers for a living. Is his life really that difficult that he breaks down at every complicated conversation? Or do you think there's something going on with his mental health that I shouldn't be dealing with? Am I overreacting by being upset at him?