I don't know when I'll update again dude. I literally just have the first chapter written and uploaded. Then my life went and decided I needed to suffer lol. I feel bad for my readers, they were so sweet, and now they starve.
So I've had to have my SSRI meds tweaked to accommodate my pmdd. I was on Lexapro for years for my "normal" depression, then my doc added Prozac to help with the harmful thoughts that came with the luteal and menstruation phases of my cycle. That worked well but then I decided to see if the Prozac could do all the heavy lifting since it was making me feel a lot better in ways I haven't in years.
So now I've just been on the Prozac for about six months. Everything was great until a couple nights ago.
I got hit so hard with everything. My cramps haven't been this bad since I first got my period, it made me cry and I tried so many tricks to ease it up but it took hours to feel somewhat okay. Then the next night, I get triggered by a book I was reading, and the spiraling and suicidal thoughts came back. I was crying for hours. I'm getting irritated by people around me again and I'm feeling like an asshole for feeling that way but I can't help it. I'm afraid that I'm going to keep suffering and I really can't handle another breakdown like this one. It's so bad I'm considering a hysterectomy at this point.
I'd appreciate advice and support on this because I don't know what to do and I just want to feel better about all of this.
I've been dealing with chronic pain since I was 10, and I had a few health concerns here and there as a kid but I was fairly healthy up until I hit double digits. High school was when my pains in my body started to progress further and I didn't get any concrete answers because I was too young for anything to pop up in the doctor's faces I guess.
Now I'm a young adult and I had just started getting some things in order. I started working out, looking for a job, making all my appointments by myself. Then I had a flair up of pain that I haven't experienced in a while. It put me right back on my ass and I'm still recovering. My mom made me go to the hospital to get some meds after I screamed from a sharp pain in my back after days of toughing it out.
Recently my best friend asked to make plans with me for the summer, and I feel absolutely useless and unmotivated. I don't want to make plans and I don't even wanna leave the house to grocery shop. I can count on one hand how many times I've gone and had fun like the average 20-something, and I always pay for it later with my body. I know I'm a strong person but I'm starting to become irritated with how much I can't do compared to other people my age.
I'm angry and sad, and it's hard to talk about it with anyone in my life because it's a very depressing topic that I am unfortunately the only expert on around here. My mom has some similar health issues which means it's probably genetic, but for some reason my situation is worse and started really early. I'm so unbelievably tired of it.