u/ComfyLyfe

You have an abusive mom who was abusive and toxic to you your entire childhood and continues to be. Which option would you choose?

1. You can live in her rental home (4b2b SFH) rent free for life and only pay for utilities and property tax. When she dies, you inherit the house. She lives 5 minutes away and you must maintain contact with her at least weekly. You must answer her phone calls and texts. She will continue to be toxic and emotionally abusive. You are able to save and invest a lot of money and retire before age 40.

2. You go no contact with your abusive mother. You pay $5000 a month rent which will increase 7% annually. Your landlord will kick you out every 3 years. You can’t retire until age 70 due to high cost of living.

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An abusive mom would’ve been abusive to you your whole life and will continue to be abusive and toxic to you. You must live 5 minutes away from her and continue contact with her throughout adulthood.

The mom who died before you could remember was not abusive but you would not remember her because you were too young. You will not have a replacement mother figure in your life.

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I’m autistic and this happened when I was 21. A guy on tinder asked me to come over to play with his puppies. He picked me up and we watched movies at his house. Then he wanted to have sex with me. I said no. I said I don’t have sex with people I just met. He kept pressuring me and I was scared he would hurt me and I wouldn’t have a way to leave so I finally agreed but I really didn’t want to.

Then he pressured me to buy New York Life whole life insurance which I paid over $300 each month. I felt pressured because I felt like I couldn’t leave and I was afraid he could hurt me. He kept pressuring and being very coercive. I kept saying I didn’t want it but he kept pressuring me. He was also a veteran from the Marines.

Then he kept texting me trying to be friendly, maybe to make me keep my policy. I got a boyfriend months later and he convinced me to cancel the policy so I did.

Now I’m married and just had a baby. This incident still pops up in my head and upsets me. I feel I was taken advantage of. I really don’t like this guy. I’m thinking of suing him or New York Life company for financial compensation. I’ve been in weekly therapy for CPTSD from childhood trauma my whole life but this has also caused me mental distress.

Then again, I don’t want to have a lot of stress and kind of want to just enjoy my baby’s infancy. I don’t want to see the guy again.

Do you think I can just send an email to New York Life and tell them what happened and ask them to pay me some compensation?

Or should I sue him or the company? How much do you think I can get if I sue? I want to know if it’s worth the time and stress to sue. I didn’t report the incident or seek medical help and I only mention it rarely in therapy because I feel ashamed of it. I don’t have any physical injuries.

Location: California

It will be my first Mother’s Day as a new mom. Every year, I’ve treated my mom to a meal and bought her a gift even though she abused and neglected me my whole life and continues to be toxic to me. Since I had my baby, my feelings for my mom have turned into hatred. I realized how I could never treat my baby like how she treated me. Whenever I see my mom, I shut down and can’t be happy. It ruins my day.

But I still feel obligated to celebrate Mother’s Day with her and to treat her to a meal. We live in my parents’ rental home 5 minutes away for cheap rent and they watch my baby 2 hours a week (with my dad’s supervision). I feel like I have to show some gratitude or they will be very upset.

I told my brother my feelings. He said the bible says once you’re married you create a new family covenant with your partner. But I’m not religious and neither are my parents.

We had agreed to dinner at a nearby restaurant but now my brother suggested having dinner at his house. They live over an hour away from me and my parents and don’t have kids. I think it’s a bit of a drive with a baby so I told him that. He has a habit of expecting everyone to drive to him (to restaurants near him) for family gatherings.

He told me this time it’s an excuse for me to say it’s too far for baby so I don’t have to see my mom. But I would feel guilty and afraid my mom will be upset and think I’m ungrateful if I don’t celebrate with her.

Do you still celebrate Mother’s Day with your mom or MIL once you become a mom or is it more focused on active moms? I don’t know what to do.

I’m not really a party type of person. We have many friend groups that don’t mesh with each other. Both my husband and I have problems with our families and language barriers. A party would be awkward and uncomfortable. It would cause anxiety. I’m also autistic. But I don’t know if we would regret not having a party. We’re thinking of taking a vacation just the three of us.

What did you do for little one’s first birthday and was there anything you wish you would’ve done differently?

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