u/ComicMaster41

I can't begin to express how happy I am that I received feedback on my query letter. I worked non-stop the past few days improving the letter, paying attention to the overall structure and working on really selling a book I've spent a good few years writing and editing. With that said, I'd really appreciate any feedback on this second rendition. I'm working on composing my submission for the International Debut Novel Competition in Dublin, Ireland, and would love to submit a quality query and synopsis. Enough chatter...

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for THE LUMINARY, a 100,000-word adult science fiction thriller. It will appeal to readers of Blake Crouch's Upgrade and Nick Harkaway’s Titanium Noir.

Humans aren’t ready to know about the existence of aliens. Exposure means disaster, which is why alien operative Jason Wish and his team are posted on a militarized island, hunting shapeshifters who infiltrate worlds. When he’s not working, he’s wondering how good his life could be if humans and aliens coexisted. But when the streets flood with a super serum bringing the promise of empowering the oppressed, exposure looms.

And that’s not the worst of it.

Bound with the Quantum, the power of a tidal wave unleashes from his hands. Jason’s good at being discreet, but there’s nowhere to hide in the rubble. The shapeshifters fear the Quantum as much as they desire it, prompting a negotiation: hand it over and Earth is left alone. 

Luckily, there’s a third option. Or so he thought.

When the Quantum turns a rescue mission into collateral, Jason’s displaced from his team and left holding the Cortex. The upside: the Cortex contains the locations and identities of the network. The downside: it’s encrypted. Unlocking the Cortex would let him dismantle the network without leveling city blocks.

But the shapeshifters encounter him at every turn, forcing Jason to fire his Quantum. With only days before the oppressed turn friction into fire and the world learns what’s been living among them, Jason must choose: wield a power that destroys what he's sworn to protect, or trust the people who want him dead and leave the planet he calls home. Either way, he becomes the disaster he was sent to prevent.

I am a computer science student in Dublin and the founder of Sanity, a companion site helping authors through the querying process. When I'm not building my own worlds, I shapeshift between publishing video games on Steam and playing drums.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Ricardo Andrés

I've been querying for several years and cannot land an agent deal. I recently found this subreddit and I'd love some feedback. With my latest query letter iteration, i've sent about 28 queries, all rejections, but with a few agents encouraging me to continue querying after saying they personally didn't connect with my project. Please tear this apart, I cannot do another draft without feedback!

Dear [Agent],

WRATH OF DARKNESS is an adult science fiction thriller complete at 100,000 words, appealing to readers of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Shards of Earth and Matt Dinimin’s Dungeon Crawler Carl with the fast-paced feeling of a Justice League comic.

Alien operative Jason Wish lives the dream: apprehend human-disguised shapeshifters and keep his post on earth. In the militarized island nation of Crain, a network of shapeshifters as discreet as they are deadly distribute Vivandium, a super-serum turning civilians into weapons. When the cosmos suddenly bestows Jason with the power to level city blocks—his untrained hands risk exposing his cover.

After a failed rescue separates Jason from his team, a dying intel officer presses a data core into his hands with the network’s plans. He only has days to unlock the core and cut the operation at its root—or watch Crain explode into civil war. While his job feels impossible—failiure spells the end to the people he swore to protect.

The data core offers Jason an opportunity to stop the shapeshifters without unleashing his power. That is, until military strikes and Vivandium-induced insurgents ignite the streets, creating the perfect cover for the shapeshifters to close in. Jason must choose: wield his untrained power to kill the shapeshifters and risk becoming an uncontrollable threat—or hold back and let their campaign turn Crain into the spark that burns the world.

I’m an international student studying computer science in Dublin, Ireland. When I’m not immersed in my worlds, I shape-shift between publishing video games on Steam, and jamming on drums.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Ricardo Andrés

[Info including email, phone number and author website below]