u/Commercial-Crow4658

I was thinking about this earlier and realized how completely ridiculous it is, so I figured I’d share because maybe someone else will get a laugh out of it too.

Long story short: my ex cheated on me for three years before I finally found out. Even after I discovered months/years of sexting, messages trying to arrange meetups, and then tested positive for an STI, they still swear they “never did anything physical” with anyone.

Recently, we got into an argument because they keep coming to me for emotional support even though they’ve already moved on to new sexual partners. I brought up — for probably the millionth time — that they literally gave me an STI, and there is just no believable way I suddenly developed symptoms four years into what was supposedly a monogamous relationship.

Their latest excuse honestly made me laugh because of how absurd it was.

They claimed they must have got it from their sick mom by using one of her oral syringes to supposedly boof drugs. I told them that still makes absolutely no sense because STIs are not transmitted like the flu, and suddenly they started insisting they could “prove it” by sending me pictures of her medications that matched mine.

Spoiler: the proof never came. No pictures, no explanation, nothing — just another half-baked story to avoid admitting the obvious.
At this point I’m completely over it and don’t even care about proving anything anymore, but the sheer ridiculousness of that excuse genuinely made me laugh and I thought other people might find it funny.

Long story short, I found out my ex paid an escort for sex 3 months ago literally days after we re-signed our lease, which obviously led to me breaking up with them. After finding out, I went and got tested and ended up finding out I had an STI I definitely did not have before, but explained some recurring symptoms I’d been dealing with for the previous 3 months.

After fully going through the insane amount of evidence I found on their phone, I realized two things: 1) they’d actually been serially cheating on me for 3 years, starting about a year into our relationship right before we moved in together, and 2) based on timelines and similarities in their behavior, I think they may have contracted the STI while we were on a trip together earlier that year since my symptoms started prior and I have evidence of them attempting to solicit sex with multiple ppl one of the nights that ended in them looking up directions to a nearby hotel at 5 am and I remember waking up to them not being in our room. They told me they were just having a late night smoke and I was half asleep and hungover and completely oblivious to everything then so I didn't think much of it at the time but it definitely adds up.

A few days ago they came by to grab the last of their things and asked where some gifts I’d bought them on that trip were. I was honestly being petty because it was one of those items you buy to share, so I responded with “oh the ones I bought for you?” They caught an attitude, left, then later apologized over text. I took that as my chance to finally send the proof I’d found because I’d honestly been itching for a reason to bring it up directly.

What surprised me is they read everything and never responded, which is actually unusual for them. Usually I just get the same cycle of excuses/apologies about how they’re “a terrible person,” they’re “trying to be better,” etc., while still insisting they never physically cheated despite the STI being pretty undeniable proof otherwise.

Thankfully, I’m not even as upset about the lack of response as I would’ve been a month ago. I almost feel at peace with not getting the exact confession/closure I wanted previously because I realized I was genuinely torturing myself cross-referencing screenshots, timelines, nights they didn’t come home, old messages, all of it.

Now I’m mostly stuck stressing over the practical fallout. The 3 people I had lined up to replace them on the lease this month all backed out last minute, and on top of that I need my brakes replaced ASAP. I want absolutely nothing to do with my ex and don’t even want to double text asking for rent money since they've already moved onto other partners of course, but at the same time I feel like they obviously owe it to me considering they fully intended to keep lying and cheating while we stayed financially tied together. I have a feeling they probably won’t respond or want to help now that they’ve gotten the last of their stuff out of the apartment. I could ask my mom for help if I absolutely had to, but I really don’t want to.

I know I’m probably overthinking everything at this point, but I felt like this was a good place to vent.

So long story short I found out my long term partner I lived with cheated on me and immediately went to get tested bc I had noticed some unusual reoccurring symptoms down there that I had never experienced before. I was diagnosed with a curable STI that I didn’t have any symptoms of in the previous 3 -4 yrs we had been together. My partner got tested 6 months after my initial symptoms started and is testing negative now. They swear they didn’t do anything physical with anyone but I have a ridiculous amount of evidence that they did including screenshots of them asking an escort if she had protection before meeting, as well as confirmation they went to her house. A friend told me giving someone an STI/std can be considered assault and grounds for breaking a lease which would be ideal but I don’t want to have to file them as an assaulter but I also don’t want to live in an apartment where my partner was quietly cheating in me the past 3 yrs

I just had this thought bc I remembered in the beginning my ex bpd partner would always say they loved me more because they were very exuberant in showering me with attention, elaborate dates etc whereas I’m more motivated to do those things much later in relationships. Obviously they love bombed the fuck out of me the first year bc four years later I realized the first time they started cheating on me was after I asked them if they wanted an open relationship in our first yr and what that would look like boundary wise bc we always spoke about it in passing but never seriously. I wasn’t even trying to push for an open relationship I just wanted to talk about it with them, and I could tell it definitely upset them at first when they realized I was trying to have a serious conversation about it and then they shared the thought of us being open made them feel vulnerable and insecure and that we wouldn’t have enough quality time to spend together and drift apart since we both had very busy lives/careers I did my best to reassure them that I wasn’t initiating the conversation as an exit strategy I just wanted to identify boundaries since the would always joke that we were ‘open to being open’ and we had both had friends or mutuals hit on us. I did agree with their point about the quality time however and agreed to revisit the conversation later where we agreed to not be open because we didn’t have the time to explore that atm. I thought everything was fine but The very next day they started serially making dating profiles for the next 3 yrs which branched off into onlyfans and eventually finding escorts off the internet which was the event I found out about. I’m kind of rambling now I guess but I feel like they never actually loved me and just liked the unconditional love I gave them after they figured out how to reassure me just enough to make me trust them even after all the shit they put me through the next three years. I know I’m better off without them and staying with them would have killed me bc I was miserable but now that I’m single I’m feeling the pain of being alone at night again and I cry everyday but I’ve also been able to take care and focus on myself so much better than before. I’ve lost 15 pounds since January and am starting to recognize the bubbly vibrant girl I used to be before their bpd started drastically affecting our relationship and my relationship with myself honestly. Everyday i question why I didn’t leave them earlier but genuinely I thought they were my soulmate until things got really bad and even then I was determined to keep trying bc I loved them until I had to get an STI from them to fully realize that they didn’t give a fuck about me no matter what they said bc they’d say anything to protect their ego and deflect their mistakes.

A week after having intercourse (no protection, he finished inside me) with my partner of 4 yrs, I developed severe yeast infection–like symptoms that kept recurring which had never happened before during other pull out failures.

A few months later I found out he saw an escort and had likely cheated on me prior as well as finding a history of chronic dating app use while we were in a closed relationship, so I got tested and came back positive for mgen + yeast infection.

He claims he didn’t actually have sex with anyone (which I don’t believe), and says maybe it came from unclean sex toys or drug use - we did some anal play 4 months prior to my symptoms starting and he had also relapsed and used a needle a few times in this time period. He’s since taken multiple tests (including a rectal swab) and all are negative.

For context: he hadn’t been tested prior to my results since we started dating and had unprotected sex, and has bottomed with other males prior to me. While I had been routinely tested during our relationship and never had any symptoms before as well as not having any unprotected sex prior to him. And the timing of all the evidence I found of possible cheating before the escort lines up almost exactly with when I started having symptoms after sex with him.

My questions:

- Is it possible for someone to carry mgen and test negative multiple times?

- Can it lie dormant for 4 years without symptoms?

- Are there any realistic non-sexual transmission routes, such as drug use?

- Is it possible he had it and cleared it on his own?

I know the obvious answer is probably that he cheated and is lying, but the negative tests are throwing me off and I can’t stop overthinking it. He’s been using my lab box to test for it and from what I see it looks legit I’m just confused as to how I contracted it and why he’s testing negative. Part of me feels like he blacked out and had some type of sexual intercourse with someone else that he don’t remember or he used protection the times he cheated on me which allowed it to transmit to me easier since we had unprotected sex?