This is gonna sound crazy to some people but I don't want to feel alone in this but does anyone else feel like the transphobic people in your life that has died are watching over you and judging you? I'm early into my journey and whenever I try makeup or try to be myself I get spooked or discouraged because I get this feeling of my dead relatives judging me. And sometimes I feel like I'm hearing them speak to me in my head. Not physically but maybe telepathically? I do have detrimental ocd so maybe it's just internal thoughts but I've held conversations with these thoughts/words and despite being an atheist, I sometimes wonder if I'm talking to them through some spiritual world or just telepathically or something. Idk.
And for the love of God PLEASE do NOT call me crazy if you don't relate. i absolutely know and understand how ridiculous this all probably sounds but I feel SO so very alone in this and I needed to know if anyone else out there knows what I'm talking about because I'm sick of feeling alone and it's made my journey difficult. This happens when I eat anything too. I get these thoughts that sound like my family saying "look at you. Eating. You're embarrassing." Idk how long this has been an issue for but no matter what I do I get this sick sense that someone somewhere I can't see is judging me and it's throwing me off so much. I don't acknowledge it much because I know it's ridiculous but it sounds exactly like my family and how they talked and it's scarier when they hold conversations in my head the way they did on earth before they all died.
I don't believe in an afterlife but I wanted to know if someone understands this?? What is happening?? I feel so judged by something that is so seemingly nuts and idk what to make of it. Im not alone in this am i? Does someone else deal with this too? Thank you.