u/CommissionCooper

My new kitten taught himself fetch the first week i had him. He'll drop one of his toys directly in my hand so i can throw it - honestly so cute and so smart. We've been doing this ALL winter!

Well boys, now its summer. The time of roaches is upon us. Kitten got bored one evening and brought me a cool new brown thing with wings he found in the garage! Im sitting on my bed, watching the Avatar and friends learn about believing in yourself or something when this little dunce ran up to me like he had a toy in his mouth. Barely glancing from the tv screen i feel around with one hand for a plastic spring or fuzzy ball. When i cant find it i finally look down to see a dead roach and kitten sat next to it so proudly, just watching me. Before i can really consider the consequences of my actions i yell "EW!" and flick away from me. I have never immediately regretted a split second decision so much in my life. When i tell you the cockroach was still Mid Air when I saw this kitten's pupils dilate at the same time as his little back legs coiled under him to launch his happy ass after it. In that split second i heard it in my mind - clear as day:

“SHIT.”

It's now 2am. He has brought and dropped into my hand - which is usually under my face when I'm trying to sleep - a total of 5 cockroaches tonight. 3 of them alive, since he quickly discovered how fun it is for us Both to chase a cockroach through the blanket folds together like an effed up Bring Your Toddler Cat to Work Day.

And get this: I'm renovating my room right now and I currently don't have a door with which to lock him out, so all i can do its try to seek and destroy them before kitten gets any fun out of it - while trying to resist the increasing impulse to swing around and smack the stupid outta him every time his paws hit the duvet.

Tl;dr My kitten that taught itself how to play fetch over the winter discovered cockroaches today, and when he brought me one i discovered the meaning of regret when i flicked it away in disgust and he.. fetched it. Its now 2am and he has dropped 3 live cockroaches on my face and body since then.

Okay this is a long shot but long story short im paying ridiculously low rent to fix up a gutted, abused 70's house. My kitten taught himself fetch in the first week i got him and when he wants to play he drops one of his toys in my hand. This was very cute all winter long. However - It's summertime now and the roaches are starting to come out. Since it's such and old house and many rooms arent floored yet and the bathroom has exposed pipes - let's just say theres a lot of access points for them to come in if they want to. I don't usually mind them, see. I've worked so many dirty jobs they should call me Mike Rowe. Roaches'll leave you alone for the most part. They dont want nothing to do with you and have to self-preservation to know they're fully outmatched 1 v 1 with a person. Now i dont like killing bugs and i do my best to toss em outside when i find em, but id be lying if i said my first instinct if i saw one on me wouldn't be to smack the shit out of it.

(BIG sigh..)

So my kitten has learned that if he drops a cockroach on my hand (often near my face when im trying to sleep) that i will 1. Fully wake up, and 2. Slap it away from me - causing it to run and for him to chase.

Due to the bedroom being under construction right now, im sleeping on a futon in the living room, so there are no doors i can close.

Short of following my gut reaction and slapping the stupid outta him when he does it; my current strategy has just been to locate and destroy the thing as fast as possible and end the fun before it begins so theres no reward for him + rewarding him if he brings me a TOY.

But also if he drops one more damn cockroach on me tonight im gonna strangle him. Its 1am and im jumping awake in a panic every time his jumps on the damn futon.