u/Common-Passenger8561

قاعده على مكتبي هسا، الايميلات مكدسه والورق اللي عندي بدّه أسابيع شغل، وفجأة استوعبت إنه هاي هي حياتي فعلاً.
بشتغل عشان أجيب فلوس، وبصرف الفلوس عشان أصلّح بشرتي وصحتي اللي خربهم الشغل والتوتر، وبعدين برجع أشتغل أكثر عشان أجيب فلوس زيادة.

حاسه حالي بدائرة مغلقة.
حتى كل مشاكل حياتي مع أهلي بالنهاية بتلف حوالين المصاري.

والأسوأ؟ إني حاسه إني مش عايشة أصلاً.
ما عندي social life، ما عندي طاقة، وما بتذكر آخر مرة حسّيت فيها إني مبسوطة بدون ما أفكر بالضغط أو بالشغل أو بالمصاريف.

كل يوم بصحى عشان أخلص اللي عليّ، وبنام وأنا بفكر باليوم اللي بعده.
وكإنه الحياة صارت بس survival mode، مش عيشة فعلية.

بعرف إنه ناس كثير عايشه نفس الشي، بس هاد الاشي بخوف أكثر، لأنه بحس الدنيا كلها ماشية بنفس الدوامة ومحدش عارف كيف يطلع

كيف الواحد بتخطى رهاب اول اسبوع شغل بتحسو الكل بعرفو بعضهم وانك حِمل عليهم لانك جاي مش عارف راسك من رجليك
الموضوع مأرقني فوق ما أرق الشغل الجديد والمعقد مأثر عليي نفسيتي بالارض من اولها

انصحوني او ادعولي مش عارفه

Starting a new job is weird when everyone already seems close and comfortable with each other. It feels like you’re walking into a group that already has inside jokes, routines, and unspoken rules while you’re just trying to figure out where you fit in.

People are nice and they smile, but sometimes it almost feels forced because they have to train you. I get anxious thinking I’m slowing everyone down or asking too many questions, and because of that I feel like I’m barely learning anything. Did anyone else struggle with this at the beginning of a new job? How did you stop feeling like a burden and actually start settling in?

Like having people around you who don’t make you prove your worth all the time. People who already see you as enough without needing to earn it, explain yourself, or constantly “perform” to keep their care.

I’m genuinely asking how does that kind of love feel in real life? In family, friendships, even work relationships. Does it make you feel more stable inside? More secure? Less anxious about losing people? I honestly wonder what it’s like to exist around people who don’t make affection feel conditional.

Like having people around you who don’t make you prove your worth all the time. People who already see you as enough without needing to earn it, explain yourself, or constantly “perform” to keep their care.

I’m genuinely asking how does that kind of love feel in real life? In family, friendships, even work relationships. Does it make you feel more stable inside? More secure? Less anxious about losing people? I honestly wonder what it’s like to exist around people who don’t make affection feel conditional.

Like having people around you who don’t make you prove your worth all the time. People who already see you as enough without needing to earn it, explain yourself, or constantly “perform” to keep their care.

I’m genuinely asking how does that kind of love feel in real life? In family, friendships, even work relationships. Does it make you feel more stable inside? More secure? Less anxious about losing people? I honestly wonder what it’s like to exist around people who don’t make affection feel conditional.

Like having people around you who don’t make you prove your worth all the time. People who already see you as enough without needing to earn it, explain yourself, or constantly “perform” to keep their care.

I’m genuinely asking — how does that kind of love feel in real life? In family, friendships, even work relationships. Does it make you feel more stable inside? More secure? Less anxious about losing people? I honestly wonder what it’s like to exist around people who don’t make affection feel conditional.

Hey, so now I’m sharing one of my greatest anxieties with the world lol.

I don’t live in Amman and never really have. As you know, Amman has hotels, restaurants, and nice classy places to hang out. I’m not saying other cities don’t, but the city I’m from definitely doesn’t have that same vibe.

So I rarely get out of my comfort zone to visit places like that, even with friends or family. My problem is that I feel “less” when I’m there. Not because I can’t afford it I can. It’s more like this weird sense of awareness that suddenly hits me the second I walk in.

Till this day I still think about this one restaurant where I couldn’t open the door properly. When I finally did, I pushed too hard and it almost slammed into the wall beside it. I was so freaking embarrassed. After that, I couldn’t enjoy anything. I ordered the only drink I could pronounce, and it felt like it got stuck in my throat because I was so anxious. The whole day felt shitty after that.

I honestly wish there was a way or someone you could privately pay to teach you how to function normally and classily in these places without looking like you just got out of a farm and walked directly into city life.

I still feel embarrassed about it, and I don’t really know why.