My cluster be mother took the police report of my abuse and manipulated it to frame it as proof that she was abuse
Back story. When I was 15 I found a hidden video camera in my room recording. I picked it up and rewound the tape to see. My stepfather was in the video showing him hiding the camera and adjusting the clothing that was covering it then rushing to put objects away. I saw it. I put it back and pretended I didn’t then ran to my cousins house to tell her. Chaos ensued. My aunt tried to take me in but my mom dragged me out to go back home using fear and theatre.
.A few months later I was drunk and he called the police on me because I was yelling at him and flipped a table over. When the cops came I told them about the video camera and how he tried to grope me. While the cops where there my stepfather punched me, my aunt punched him in return, I punched him again and we all fist daughter. The cops wrestled my stepfather down as he continued to punch me and my mother jumped in to protest my stepfather while he still actively tried to beat me. Police reports were files. My mom involved internal affairs and made us all lie saying the cops beat my stepfather. She then made me lie to dss telling them I made it up using threats of suicide and threats that my little sister would be out in foster care. She forced me to lie there in hell and wound tort me leave
Fast forward 25 years later
I found documentation in her boxes when she moved out of my inlaw.
She took pictures of her with a black eye and pinned it to the first page of the police report showing my step father being wrested for assault and battery WHEN HE ATTACKED ME. She took the first page of my police report (which only said an and had his mug shot don’t name the victim. Me) , added her pictures and used that as “evidence” to prove he abused her and showed it to people.
She had the second half of my report with full details in the back of her documents along with the dss report stating the recantment I made due to her threats. For 25 years.
I spoke spoke out about the camera to find a way to safety. She smeared me called me crazy delinquent and a drug addict for years and behind closed doors threatened suicide if I ruined her family and discarded me while at the same time keeping me hostage.
I will never understand any of it. The life long abuse. This event. The after math. Not the record keeping for her own manipulation to use my abuse for falsification of abuse to her.
It ripped my soul out when she did all she did to silence me to preserve “her family” when I was 15. It ripped my soul out to see she saved these horrific documents of what she did and covered up. It ripped my soul out even further to see how she used my abuse which she participated in to then falsify her abuse from him once they got divorced and showed people these altered docs as prof of her victim good. All while I was stored at the back of her crazy psycho trophy of documents.
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Mother’s Day is hard for me. My birthday. I’m processing.
Any thoughts words or compassion would be greatly appreciated. It’s late. I can’t sleep. I’m sad. My birthday is on Mother’s Day. I mourn the mother I never could have. And I dread my birthdays because my mother always competed for attention due to it being always so close to Mother’s Day
Whenever I ask why, how could she, my therapist reminds me that my mother is cluster b. But I still can help but ask why. How could a mother do this and more. I know I didn’t do anything to deserve this, but what did I do to deserve this
My visual and emotional flashbacks are flaring. This time of year is always a trigger. I’m diagnosed cptsd due to my mothers abuse and a physically abusive marriage that I entered at age 18