u/Competitive-Mess6216

After almost a YEAR of being in the waitlist, I finally got a call from the Community Mental Health Team that I can start therapy with them. The therapist they provided...is AMAZING.
She is passionate, she listens to us, never judges, never makes assumptions, is patient and most importantly she actually knows her shit.
There was this one moment when we were still getting to know each other and I asked her all of the sudden "Have you ever had a client like me?" and she smiled and went "Don't be scared. I have and they are all doing very well and I am sure you will too" that right there melted our fcking heart.
Obviously it's only been only half a dozen sessions or so but the fact that we can actually open up to her and talk about things we rarely discuss with someone - is so good. I missed that feeling when you remember there is someone you can meet once a week and talk to.
There is tons of work ahead of us and so many things to go through but I just wanted to share how happy we are that it finally came to be.
Hope all is well with you and wishing you all the best

Can anyone relate?

Something that I think about all the time. All the experience that I've had so far just makes me think that I just cannot be in a relationship (or don't know how to yet). Every time I become closer with someone - obviously because I'm all for transparency and honesty - I gotta tell them that, you know, "being with me = being with others as well". And it always works out in either:
- them being actively scared, tense/despiseful because they are either afraid of it, don't understand it, or don't want to understand it (even if I do my best to explain).
- them not acknowledging or flat out ignoring this part of my life even when I need support which would include them acknowledging how I cope and who We are.

Either way it ends up in me the host trying to accommodate my partner by either forcefully hiding parts of me completely and never mentioning Them (which is a little hurting to me and Them) or doing my best to make the partner understand me which ends up in overexplaining things because I'm very worried about other people understanding me correctly.

I'd also add that whenever I think about emotional intimacy and the very fact itself of someone else being present in my life - I become endlessly panicked and worried and always come to the same old conclusion "I think I'm fine just being by myself and it would do the Others good as well". And even though I'm quite happy with being single at the moment the very fact that I have had these experiences never make it easier for me to think about starting relationships again.

What the title says...

Most of the times I don't really recognise what or who I see in the mirror. I mean, I see a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth, I see a face, but I can't really own it, can't tell myself "yep that's me that's my reflection" and that feels so so bizarre and uncomfortable. I even sometimes see someone Else there in my expressions but not Me. I get stuck staring at the mirror trying to get rid of that feeling but can't. I make faces and frown and etc to try to change that but of course this isn't physical.
Must note that this is not always like that but does happen more and more often lately and just feels like my face is dissapearing slowly.