u/ComprehensiveCod6646

​

I'm just gobsmacked I found this man. Not only do we have the chemistry, the friendship, the life goals in common...all of that is important, but sometimes you can have those things, and still be disappointed because you aren't dating someone who is an actual adult, or it's someone who's ultimately dating you, the woman, for your services not for who you are.

I decided to start doing nothing for men. No auditioning to be a wife by offering to their laundry, no cooking specifically for them, no following up on making sure they booked that doctor appointment. I offer me and my charms, I offer profuse thanks for things that are done for me, and that's it.

This man:

-He opens the car door and all doors for me. One time we were running a little late to a place and I had a brain fart and walked ahead and opened the door to this place and he looked at me, laughed and said, "That was weird." And I said, "Don't worry, I wont let it happen again."

-We have had some arguments in our 8 months together. He has never disrespected me during our disagreements. He has been visibly frustrated, and yet has taken the time to breathe and try to understand my side. One time I was pretty upset, and honestly it was me being unreasonable. He took the time to pull over and ask me if Id like to take some time to talk it through before we got any further. (I should note, these disagreements are not over anything huge---in fact a lot are me being hypersensitive and needy and insecure because of how abusive my last relationship was)

-he cleans up at my house. Just tonight, I had to leave for an event right after dinner (which we made together). He has keys so I knew he would lock up, and when I came bacl he had put away the food and hand washed the pots and pans.

-he does my yard work. I literally never asked for this. He just offered and does it all the time.

-he is clear about his feelings. No ambiguity. But he's never love bombed, something Ive had sad experience with in the past. He's just forthright and honest. He will discuss any relationship topic with me. Cheating, birth control, whatever. He's there for it.

-He is happy to introduce me to his family and friends. He doesn't hide our relationship as if I'm just some hookup.

-he talks about the future for us

-He notices me, cares about my mood.

-We spend so much time together and yet when we are apart he sends me at least three funny memes or links a day, because he's thinking of me when he comes across them.

-he thinks he's bad at gift giving because he's always giving me practical gifts. He bought and installed a bidet for me in my house.

-he cares about my pleasure first in the bedroom. Nuff said.

I talk shit about men in general (sorry, I have been through the ringer and I know so many women who put up with bullshit), and he's just like, "yeah, thats fair." He isnt defensive because he knows he is a good one.

-oh, I almost forgot. He lives close so he comes over basically every morning to make me coffee. He doesn't even drink coffee so its just for me.

-editing as I think of things, so here's a funny story. A week ago he accidentally locked me out of my house. He has come over and brought me lunch, so we ate together then I left to walk the dog and he had to go, but he left after me. I didnt take keys with, so came back to locked doors. It was fine because I had left a windows open, just lifted the screen and got in at the back of the house. But I teased him via text about it and he was so apologetic and was like, "Oh my God, I did wonder if you had your keys, but I hate to leave your house unlocked when you're coming back alone."

-can't believe I'm adding to this AGAIN. Even though he's got a likely sinus infection and is feeling, as he put it, "kind of swimmy", he had come over for dinner, then I had an event, so he made a joke about how he can't believe he's going to bed at 7pm, but anyway I wished him well and loved on him and sent him on his way. 10:40 at night, I'm getting a call from him, he's like, "welp, I just passed out for 3 hours, but I'm awake now, just wanted to see how <event> went."