u/Comprehensive_Leek32

So right now I have a lot going in my head I feel like I want to talk to a friend to organise the space in my head a bit but I just realised that I don't have anyone who is available and at the same time close enough for me talk my mind freely, all said people usually take days to respond when I message them or are simply permanently unavailable, i think I'm beginning to notice a pattern, I don't have someone who is available when i need them, online friends respond with rate or 1 message per week and irl friend(s) is never available.

Is this normal ? I'm 21 and most of them are around the same age, is this something related to adulthood or something ? Or I'm being reasonable to want someone that doesn't take two days and half to reply to a single message ?

I'm a 21 years college student from Egypt, I'm have been going through a rough time lately and want to start over again, I'm gonna do my best to be a good friend and I hope to find someone who is able to do the same.

I like listening to music since I spend a lot of time in trains and buses my current favourite are "carry me" by ghostly kisses anhaley d "don't rush" for Chris James and "firestarter" for Haley blais do you also like music too by any chance ? I'd like to exchange recommendations with you if yes.

I also do play a mobile game called MLBB it used to be a league of legends ripoff but now it's embarked on its own road now.

I also used to play grand strategy games ( hoi4 CK3 etc ) before I got my laptop stolen.

I also played some Hades and finished two playthroughs of disco elysum.

My other interests include but not limited to webnovels, writing ( sometimes ) anime and animated shows.

I think that's enough of an introduction to myself? Just one last thing, I get anxious really easily and think too much about trivial stuff so I'd like the person I'm talking to not to be someone who dry text or ghosts people/takes too much to reply

So I have been lonely for most of my short life, or at least it felt like that for me, I was mostly able to push through it until the latter half of last year, I was constantly getting really... Sad ? I don't want to use the word depression too freely to not trivialise what others have been through but it was getting really unbearable, I started trying to make online/international friends since I can't socialize as much irl around October last year and had some initial success and even had my first romantic experience but things eventually went back to square one or even beyond that, maybe because I have come to know what warmth looks like I keep trying really to force things back how they were, I'm actively trying to make friendships that I wouldn't normally be interested in, I keep checking every social media i have to see if someone has sent me any messages in a way that is becoming more and more humiliating for me and my mood is affected by people who don't care much about me.

I don't like this "me" that I have become, I want to be less reliant on others until I can find someone who I can trust and preferably find some way to deal with this loneliness.

If you have an advice then I'd be grateful if you share and if not then I'm still thankful for you reading all the way to here