u/ComradeBalian

The following was submitted to me anonymously for public posting. This is intended primarily as a space for them to express their thoughts and experiences. If you do choose to respond, please engage with what they have shared respectfully rather than trying to identify the person behind the post.

So many unknowns. Am I unloveable? Am I Frankenstein? Even he had a lover.

While transitioning through the end of a 15 year marriage, I never once imagined that I’d have any trouble meeting someone that could bring me happiness and security. The qualities that I bring to the table are in short demand today. Loyalty to a fault. Adventurous. Trusting. Patient. Forgiving. Protecting.

Most of my day to day interactions occur seamlessly bouncing from one conversation to another. Whether it’s meeting someone for the first time or an old friend. Out in public meeting people always goes better than online. I feel in public most people pick up on my qualities and appreciate my sense of laughter and compassion. Online meetups are always strained, and stressful. They feel like I am in the red light district on full display with onlookers checking boxes as to if I fit their view of perfection. Do I engage with sexual advances? Yes ok we can proceed. Surely there is an intellectual that can see past the shell of a body we are?

I was not born in this body. Do I owe anyone I am first meeting an audience with that? No! That is not to say that the woman inside has ever been anything but. This delicate part of me which I absolutely hate revealing early on is a major source of anxiety, one only crossed while online. To me it is so far away from who I am as a person, but it is always front and centre for a possible mate. There are a couple reasons to not, one being I don’t want to be treated as anything other than me, and two I don’t want to attract people that are only interested in using me as a way to put another notch in their belt.

Should I broaden my dating pool to date other queer people, probably. But as is anything with sexuality you like what you like and for me there is nothing that gets my little heart racing more than a masculine man holding my hand, my waist or even a door.

Someday I’m sure I’ll find that person that brings me as much joy that I bring him but until then it’ll be one disappointing dance after another.

I thought it might be nice to have a more positive dating discussion today. What has been the kindest thing someone has ever done for you on a first date? ❤️

It does not necessarily have to be some grand romantic gesture. Sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest impression like being genuinely attentive, making sure you feel comfortable, remembering something you mentioned beforehand in your online chats, being respectful of your boundaries that you made clear beforehand, or maybe simply making an effort to make the experience enjoyable for both people. I think dating conversations can sometimes focus so much on bad experiences, ghosting, red flags, and awkward dates that we forget there are also some genuinely wonderful people out there!

So spill that sweet fuze tea guys and ladies what is something someone did on a first date that really stuck with you? Just maybe this can give us lost souls here on the Ottawa dating subreddit a few ideas for how to make someone’s first date experience a little kinder.

The men who are currently in their 30s and were active on Plenty of Fish back in the day may have also experienced this one I am sharing. I had a first date with a woman at the Golden Palace in Carlingwood. You can't go wrong with their egg rolls, they are some of the best you can get! You should see the lines when they are half price. They are literally longer than Carling Avenue itself. I was super nervous! Anyone with social anxiety knows exactly what I mean you basically have the entire date planned out in your notebook with all your talking points like you are preparing for a job interview. You have got your conversation starters, backup questions, and contingency plans ready to go just in case your brain suddenly decides to forget how human conversation works. It must have worked because I did get a second date yippee!

I was actually nervous about walking home afterwards because it was already dark outside. She was such a genuinely good person that she made sure I got home safely even though it was cold and raining. She spent an entire hour of her own time just making sure I felt safe and comfortable. I do not know about you but I think your time is one of the best gifts you can give someone. She could have simply said goodbye and gone home but instead she chose to spend that extra hour looking out for me. That kind of kindness really stuck with me from ten years ago to today and I try to repay it forward each day.

She lives out of province now and is married. I could not be happier for her. She had such a positive impact on my life and knowing that she is building a life with someone she loves makes me a happy man. She also helped make me become a kinder person and taught me to see the beauty in other people in a way I had not before. I will always be grateful that our paths crossed and for the person she helped me become. Also. I was literally bragging for years to anyone that would listen that I had dated Miss Ottawa. I always thought she was the most beautiful woman in both heart and soul and that meant so much more to me than looks ever could. Not going to lie, she looked amazing as well.

Looks like I have been the one chosen to temporarily fill in for our favourite dad who is always there to ask the hard but necessary questions. After all someone here has to keep us honest and make sure the important questions do not go unasked!

I am curious to hear from others about their experiences with dating and disability, especially here in Ottawa or even elsewhere in Ontario due to it being a provincial matter. Dating can already come with plenty of challenges as we all know, we did end up on Reddit for it lol but I think there is an additional layer when one person receives disability income or benefits. There can be concerns about accessibility, independence, and the assumptions people make about what someone can or can’t do. But one issue that does not get talked about enough is the financial side of relationships.

In Ontario ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Program) is income tested meaning that a person’s benefits can be reduced when their spouse or partner (lived together for 3 months) earns income. That can create a really uncomfortable situation where getting into a serious relationship could potentially have financial consequences for the disabled person. I believe a healthy relationship should be about companionship and building a life together, not having to worry that your partner’s employment could leave you significantly worse off financially.

For those who date while receiving disability benefits has this ever affected how you approach relationships? Have you ever worried about becoming financially dependent on a partner from the fear of losing benefits?

This is actually the second time this summer I have seen someone at Tunney’s Pasture station during peak times bluntly asking people if they are single and available to date. What really caught my attention was that after getting rejected, they would immediately move on to the next person with seemingly no shame or hesitation. It got me wondering is dating ultimately a numbers game for some people? Is the idea to simply approach as many people as possible already accepting that most will say no and hope that eventually someone says yes?

I can sort of understand the logic behind it. Rejection is inevitable when you put yourself out there and not taking every rejection personally could probably make dating a lot less intimidating. At the same time I wonder whether approaching strangers one after another like that actually creates meaningful connections or whether it risks making people feel like they are just another number in a lineup. For those who have tried a numbers game approach to dating did it actually work for you? Or... do you think quality of connection matters more than the number of people you approach?

The last time I was in the dating scene was back in the mid 2010s. I would often go to the Lookout Bar in ByWard Market during the quieter times usually weekday afternoons. I am not sure if things have changed since then but I remember there being a certain level of mutual respect that seemed to be understood between both people. If you were interested in someone you might offer to buy them a drink and even if there was not a connection, they would often reciprocate the gesture. There was not necessarily any expectation that it had to lead somewhere. Some days there simply was not anyone there who caught your interest or you were not the person someone else was looking for. And that was okay.

Looking back I think I appreciated that there was room for rejection without it having to feel like a failure. You could make an effort, accept the answer, and still have a pleasant interaction with someone. Has this kind of decency disappeared post-COVID?

The Ottawa Police Service (OPS) is seeking witnesses to a crash on Carling Avenue on Sunday in which a man riding an e-scooter was fatally injured.
Police responded shortly after 8 p.m to a report of a collision between an SUV and an e-scooter near the intersection of Carling and Fairlawn avenues, OPS said in a release Tuesday.
The 55-year-old driver of the scooter was found at the scene with serious injuries. He was transported to hospital where he later succumbed to his injuries.
OPS are asking anyone with information about the collision, or with security camera footage that may have captured the vehicle around the time of the incident, to contact its fatal collision investigations unit.

Accident on the worst road in the capital, is this a road you actively avoid riding on?