u/Concaught-Resender

Among these groups, or at least among those who sustain a career in them, there appears (based on my admittedly limited experience, so please correct me if I'm wrong) to be a very liberal, individualist ideology of "who cares, I am only the supplier, they can make their own 'decisions'". Personal 'choice' or not (and I would not, as someone close to addicts and am one myself to an extent, particularly with smoking and, worse, drinking, argue that these things are 'choices' in the way that many believe or want to believe they are), these industries are literally the venue through which many numb, forget, and destroy themselves as they try to survive capitalism, (post-?)colonialism, patriarchy, etc. I understand how, in extreme circumstances, this becomes a necessary profession, but I'd make a distinction between those who happily fuel others' addictions as long as it brings cash to their pockets (through wages or, especially, tips) and those who would leave these professions as soon as they can. When it comes to these industries, which deal with substances that are more chemically addictive than most, is it worth it to blame mostly those on top or, at the risk of jeopardizing those in genuinely desperate situations, is it necessary to target to intermediaries as well? Especially when one considers the power of the bartender or even the drug dealer (depending on the exact set of relations) to refuse service?

I've been looking into this series again, considering rewatching a good chunk of it and even getting into the books and all that, and I've been thinking about the theorizing aspect of the fandom. It seems to me that many approach theorizing as finding out and explaining what is "really going on", connecting every little detail, which sometimes risks (imo) getting too literal with it (and this is of course fine if you enjoy that, it is just a show after all lol). I do think that approach is on some level always necessary to actually analyze the show, but I feel like, for me personally, at some point I would accept certain mysterious aspects remaining unexplained and even prefer them that way, skipping to more general thematic/media analysis. So, I've been thinking about it as a continuum of sorts: there's those who want to figure out all the lore and those who might want to analyze more like someone in film and media studies would—both entirely valid. My question is: What is your approach? Do you approach it in a way that is distinct from my continuum?

I haven't gotten a chance to rewatch Twin Peaks at all for a bit, so the details are extremely fuzzy, but I've found myself thinking about these specific characters recently. Personally, I find the original grandma version the most interesting, and I find them in general pretty intriguing. Even compared to some of the other more unclear entities, they never appeared overly bad or good. They clearly have immense power with their ability to disappear, appear, magic, etc. We know that they hang out with lodge entities. However, they seemed to act more as the bringers of ominous warnings and other things (the portal picture) iirc, or as barriers for one reason or another (like in the end of The Return, which interestingly plays on their double surname, where Alice Tremond and her husband put a stop to any further investigation). I've heard some theories which agree with this sort of interpretation and often further adds that they are more regulators trying to put things back in balance(? I never got too deep into my own personal interpretations so I don't fully know if I agree with this but I like the idea) and, honestly, it's exactly that sort of thing which makes me like them so much with their weird, eerie nature and seemingly alien morality (neither good or evil, but something else entirely). They are just so otherworldly and opaque.

What do others think? Have anymore details to add? I honestly can't remember as much as I would like so I would appreciate it lol

When I was younger: Screens, food, attention

Now: Cigarettes/vapes and alcohol

Wider context: Diagnosed with ADHD (medicated), autism, and dyslexia since pretty young (don't know if I honestly fully trust all these diagnoses but I definitely feel like I am neurodivergent in some way, particularly in a way that makes me more perceptible to dopamine seeking), and probably technically have some trauma I guess (sexual assault by a classmate, a lot of social rejection and loneliness, various cases of privacy threats, growing up with an obviously traumatized mother who has some boundary issues because of it, etc.)

Just caught myself very drunkenly picking up a lot of cigarettes off the ground and smoking them (to be fair, mostly my own from earlier, but still) because my card declined due to too many transactions or whatever (I know that I have enough available funds so it can't be that I don't have enough) when trying to buy a full pack earlier. Obviously, after experiencing a situation like that again I feel super disappointed in myself. I feel like I can barely go two hours without one, sometimes less than that, and not a night without at least 2-3 drinks (but most likely 4-6+, or a whole whisky bottle at my worst). I have experienced so many cases where my body felt like it was actively decaying at a rapid rate over the last few months due to these habits, where I felt pains/burns in my throat, had a 24/7 cough, chest pains and tightening, aches in the part of my lower back around where my kidneys should be and (to a lesser extent) other parts of the body as well, headaches that have started to almost feel like actual shallow holes/dents in my brain, some small but weird skin stuff, etc. The worst part is that the one time I had to recently go for longer than usual without cigarettes for a family thing, it reminded me a lot of my irritability as a kid before I started consistently using any of this more chemically addictive stuff, making me wonder if I can naturally go without artificial dopamine in a way that doesn't make even mundane things feel awful. The issue is that all this has also made me feel so empty/numb and even anxious (for health, financial, etc. reasons) at points and has even increased the feeling of just not wanting to exist anymore a few times. I just honestly don't know what to do, I struggle to fully trust myself at this point.

General Context

• Technically second year undergrad if going by credits (I have been in post-secondary for longer due to transferring and barriers to being able to take full course loads in some past semesters) studying sociology and anthropology out of genuine interest and care, planning to pursue an academic career (yes I have plan B's and C's as well, I know the statistics)
• I love learning, writing, conceptual thinking, considering methodology, etc., in fact, I do a lot of it in my free time outside of academia (mostly the writing part but a good amount of online research as well) and I have been told that I seem like a good fit for this path
• Despite this, I have always struggled with consistently committing to reading even if I enjoy the subject, am intrigued, or enjoyed reading parts of the text previously
• I do know how to read more efficiently, how to skim, etc.
• I do have ADHD but I am also medicated which, along with more recently developed habits, has helped a lot with focus, motivation, avoidant tendencies, persistence, and general productivity
• There has been recent a spike in how demanding my classes have been, though I don't feel like my slacking off is really proportionate to this

The Problem

Despite what I have been assigned and getting ok to good grades overall so far, I haven't actually read much. I have gotten through some of these courses through a lot of luck and some strategizing (no AI involved to be clear). I will often try most at the start of the semester, but then my reading degrades from there until it is unfeasible to catch up that much. Even in my free time, I read very casually and in a fragmented way. This is clearly not sustainable with what I want to do, it's honestly a bit demoralizing with how dishonest it feels, it's certainly not good for my intellectual development, and I genuinely feel like I've missed out on a lot because of it. This last semester was especially rough for some reason, and I have started to see my grades suffer a bit partly because of it.

Basically, I just want some tips or pointers on how I could deal with this. Currently, my best idea is to just try to get myself in the habit of reading more often in general while I'm on break, but I thought I would ask for further advice or a second opinion as well.