u/ConcentrateIll8754

I’m looking for a second opinion because I feel stuck.

My mom and I have always had a really tumultuous relationship. Growing up, she was physically and verbally abusive. As I got older and started working, it turned into more financial control, which didn’t really stop until my early 20s. Honestly, that only ended because I got fed up and distanced myself.

The physical abuse stopped when I moved out. The emotional side didn’t really stop until she realized I had independence and could just choose not to engage.

Whenever I’ve tried to bring any of this up, she either denies it, minimizes it, or says I’m choosing to “stay stuck” in the past. So there’s never been any real accountability or resolution.

For a long time, I’ve thought about cutting her off completely. The only reason I didn’t was because I felt responsible for my younger sibling, but I’m not as worried about that anymore. I wouldn’t cut my sibling off, just my mom.

One thing I also struggle with is that I still find myself oversharing with her sometimes when we talk. On the surface, our conversations can feel normal, and I end up confiding in her about parts of my life. I almost always regret it afterward. It makes me feel exposed and honestly kind of stupid for opening up.

She has a background in psychology, and I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but it sometimes feels like she knows how to draw that out of me. I’m not trying to say she’s some mastermind manipulator, but there’s a pattern where I leave conversations feeling like I gave more than I should have.

That’s part of why I feel conflicted. It makes me feel fake, like I can go from having a normal conversation with her to wanting to cut her off completely. But those conversations don’t actually feel good in the long run.

Lately, I’ve basically been pretending none of the past happened just to keep things peaceful, but it still affects me.

Recently, we had a really minor interaction, not even a fight, but her tone and the way she was speaking to me felt off. Kind of combative, kind of irritated. It wasn’t enough to call out in the moment, but it immediately triggered me and reminded me of everything.

I brushed it off and didn’t say anything, but internally it just reinforced how I feel about our relationship.

At this point, I honestly feel very detached from my family in general. I don’t feel like I need this relationship, and I don’t feel like it adds anything positive to my life. If anything, it just brings irritation and old pain back up.

I don’t even want a confrontation. I don’t want to argue or try to explain it again just to be dismissed. Part of me just wants to block her number and move on.

What makes it harder is that I know if I do that, she won’t just leave it alone. In the past, when I’ve tried to distance myself, she’s escalated by reaching out through other people or creating stressful situations to get a response. For example, she’s exaggerated emergencies involving family members to get my attention.

So I feel stuck between wanting peace and knowing that cutting her off might create more chaos, at least temporarily.

The other thing that’s making me hesitate is guilt, especially with things like Mother’s Day coming up. From her perspective, things have probably seemed normal lately since we haven’t had any big fights.

But for me, that doesn’t feel real. It just feels like I’ve been ignoring everything to avoid conflict.

I guess what I’m really asking is, am I wrong for feeling this way? Has anyone been in a similar situation where nothing major just happened, but you still felt done? How did you handle it, and did you end up going low contact or no contact?

I think I just need to hear other people’s experiences because I feel really conflicted and honestly kind of alone in this.

I had a situation recently and I’m trying to understand if there’s any normal explanation for this.

I was with a guy who kept putting on hand sanitizer during intimacy multiple times. At first I thought maybe it was just a hygiene thing, but it kept happening to the point where I could literally taste it.

When I asked, he said it was about cleanliness, but it felt excessive and out of place. He also left the sanitizer in the shower, which made me feel like he might be using it for something beyond just basic hygiene.

For context, he also seemed to have some difficulty staying fully aroused and needed a lot of stimulation.

So I’m genuinely curious has anyone heard of this before? Is there any reason a guy would use hand sanitizer in a sexual context, or is this just as unusual as it seems?

F23