Messy/space/uncertainty
Tough one
29M-26F
I honestly don’t even know what I’m looking for posting this besides perspective because my head is completely spinning.
My ex and I had a very intense relationship. Only 3 months the first two were amazing all I ever wanted. We got attached fast and spent basically all our time together. There was real love there and I genuinely saw a future with her. We both also have anxiety, insecurities, emotional baggage, and probably unhealthy attachment styles if I’m being honest.
Our first major fight happened after a misunderstanding/jealousy situation while we were both drinking. That same night after everything blew up, she went to her ex’s house. (Who abused her cheated on her held a gun to her etc.) She confirmed they just hung out and she went there because she thought I was abandoning her. I had told her to come get all of her shit during the heat of the battle and I understood. From my perspective that completely shattered me emotionally because even though I was hurt and overwhelmed too, my instinct was still to try to work through things together.
After that we tried taking space, and during that space I made my own mistake and briefly talked/flirted with another girl for like a day because I was hurt, confused, lonely, and honestly emotionally spiraling. I cut it off because it didn’t feel right, but understandably it damaged trust and hurt her deeply too.
Then we decided to work on things and never fully stabilized after that. It was good for a bit but she couldn’t get over me talking to another girl while we were in space which is messed up because she literally ran to her ex for comfort. We both became emotionally overwhelmed and insecure. Eventually she sent a breakup text basically saying the relationship had become unhealthy, emotionally exhausting, and that we both needed to work on ourselves separately.
Part of me understands that. But another part of me feels incredibly abandoned because even though I was hurting badly too, I still wanted to fight for the relationship instead of leave it.
The last few days I’ve been completely all over the place emotionally:
\- wanting her back
\- feeling angry
\- blaming myself
\- blaming her
\- feeling disposable
\- missing her like crazy
\- wondering if I’m romanticizing something unhealthy
\- and struggling with the idea that someone who loved me could walk away instead of working through things together.
I know I made mistakes. I’m not pretending I handled everything perfectly. But I also feel like I ignored red flags and fought really hard for the relationship because I loved her that much.
Today I finally completely broke down crying harder than I have in years because I realized how emotionally consumed I’ve become by this whole thing.
I guess my question is:
How do you know when you’re grieving a relationship that’s actually worth fighting for versus holding onto something unhealthy because you’re attached and terrified to let go?
I don’t know what to do now the love and care is still there and it was genuinely so good until that stupid night, and even after we started trying again it felt good but obviously there were still open wounds. We’ve been no contact for five days I did text her today just to wish her luck with her surgery and saying I hope she okay and she said thank you I hope you are okay too and hearted it.
**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?