u/ConsciousEquipment

sry long one ahead but TLDR below and I need to write this down because every time I see someone thinking back about school memories I can't help but feel like I was a mis behaved person when I was younger or at least in school to other people especially one boy and it went on for a long time. Loooking back I think I would have stayed far away from trouble like that if I had known the fallout.

What I mean was when I was like 11-13 or so and during these years we had someone in our class who was pretty badly bullied and there was a literal show down one time where it completely escalated and changed every thing. We were in gym class and during a drinking break everyone went to the side of the hall but me and two others went all the way back into the change rooms and I think we juss wanted to hide his clothes but someone poured a bottle into his backpack on all the books and obv it was messed up then. We needed to go back before anyone noticed and on the way to the gym hall were windows that were way up but tilted open, and to get rid of it we threw his backpack up up until it flew out and I think into bushes outside below. Only me and like 2-3 others even saw that. So it seemed like no one left and that window was so high up and closed-ish looking so no one else ever thought that it could be there or to look outside. Also it was the last class that we had for the day and it was cold outside that was why we had sports indoors.

And then at the end of the hour everyone went changing and he couldn’t find his stuff anymore and cried and freaked out our gym teacher came and got mad as shit and she said no one is allowed to go until its back, and that its theft etc all serious and so of course no one wanted to admit it and it turned into us sitting it out and believe me it felt like a hostage situation where everyone was super tense and staring around and then there was even negotiated with her where some would say you can search me or this that if I can leave vs others said woman teacher can't search them ever because they're a male student and she kept yelling and accusing some etc and that went on for a long time.

...and the thing is, it was only maybe like 1 hour maybe, so really not insanely long even but it FELT super long and bad until two other teachers came looking what is going on and they had to break it up, call parents etc and multiple got picked up by their parents bec they should have been home like an hour ago. And our gym teacher also got into trouble because she flipped out on us and wouldn't let us leave the changing room over a lost backpack. The kid kinda suspected some of us forever and we were paranoid for a while if he would do something or like revenge bec every single person at school knew about this incident where he cried and some teacher acted like his mother and arrested the whole class. I remember people who were not even there but heard about it telling ME about this as some crazy story they heard make the rounds, not knowing I was there that’s how big that was back then at our little school!!!

After that our gym teacher had to come in during a different class (we usually only had her in gym) and said she shouldn't have reacted like this, we got a different gym teacher and she never had our class again. She left shortly after that, from what I head from other classes no one listened to her, most hated her and expected her to go ape and punish people hard, no one trusted her to give fair grades after being through this shit etc she was basically known as evil. There was a whole thing about collective punishment and they had handouts etc that teachers can't spontaneous have you stay after class without informing parents first and stuff like that, also they cannot punish everyone when a few people act up etc it really changed things at my school at the time and I remember the whole vibe or something being really different after that happened. People were more on edge about stuff and he was basically ignored 100% untouchable after this because everyone knew it could bring some huge drama. He probably forgot about it by now but I still think about this some time and wonder what happened to him, if he had some kind of connection to that teacher outside of school, if his bag was ever found or if he somehow knows that we did this etc it was just chaotic and not something I would wish on anyone

TL;DR only wanted to prank someone by hiding their stuff, ended up destroying it all and throwing it away, caused our teacher to snap and (likely) leaving because of it, also changed things for everyone at our school

so can't help but notice how absolutely insane, completely nuts out of hand, the spending on weight loss and related producuts can get. I mean, in order to get to my goals, not yoyo back (!!!!) and be happy with myself, all I would have to do is eat less. That's literally it. That doesn't need anything. I just need to eat less calories. But obviously, that is the most difficult, brain raging, skull drilling, torture urge resistance every second consuming hardest effort mentally crushing thing I have ever faced so it's like my brain is in desperate panic looking for some stupid way to buy myself out of it...!

...and you cannot, and I mean can. not. imagine the amount of money I spent on fat burners, metabolism boosters, pre workout mixes, protein this and that (even protein coffee, protein EVERYTHING), supplements like no tomorrow (gymnema, berberine, glucomannan, ketones, super expensive vials of MCT Oil and extracts you name it I probably took it!!!!), subscriptions and meal replacement programs like sheko, huel, complete madness I honestly don't even want to know but I probably spend like 2k this year alone on stuff like that and it was also bad last year.

I seriously need to stop being so "vulnerable" it's like I'm reaching for every straw and each time I see some video or influencer I think THIS is the one huge thing that will make the saving difference and go order stuff.

And the problem is I KNOW BETTER I am not stupid I promise I have a good education I just get confused and overwhelmed with the countless contradicting advice online (and english is ot my first language btw) and feel like I go from hopeless rock bottom to mega strict clean diet, each time all gung ho buying cook books and all kinds of shit and like either I lose weight when I am in a deficit doing this but of course then I also can't keep the restriction up or if I don't lose anything I lose motivation and go back to eating whatever and it was all for nothing again. I went carnivore, paleo, vegan, frugivore, pescetarian, keto, ate nothing but kale soup for weeks etc people around me even asked wtf are you doing to be on all these crazy specific diets every couple weeks like I have some illness or whatever going around like no I can't eat that or is that made with whatever etc my god!!!

There is NO way I would eat like that and constantly cycle back and forth between tryhard ultra perfect like a monk or straight up eating like a pig non stop. If eating less calories just wouldn't be so unimaginably exhausting difficult !!!!

Sorry for venting again but I have had some great exchanges with some of you people and I wanted to know if anyone can relate just as in that the EFFORTS just escalate !!