I absolutely love the story of FFXVI and have multiple FFXVI tattoos, but this is hands down my favorite that I've gotten. Thank you Yoshi-P!
This will be a very long write-up detailing my life story, but I wanted to get it out there, so if you read it through, it means alot to me.
2001 - 2013
I'm a male, 24 years old. I was born and raised in eastside San Jose, CA in a low-income working class neighborhood. Before I was born, my father committed had multiple affairs and abused my mother, who was caring for my older brother. She should've left, but she was in a vulnerable spot as her own mother and 2 of her siblings committed suicide in the same manner before that. I don't blame her for desiring stability in her life. My childhood wasn't great. My father beat my mother, brother and I growing up and made it clear he never wanted to be a father, we were just a piece of gum under his shoe, while he put a roof over our heads, he was never there. It was like he was in his own world. He came from a third world country, notably escaped the Vietnam war on a boat and had to make it in the US alone, was abused as a child too, while it's not an excuse, I understand why he was the way he was.
2014 - 2023
I got into substances at an early age. I began drinking and smoking when I was 13, and when I was 16, I got into harder drugs. Cocaine, ecstasy/mdma, xanax/benzos, adderall, shrooms, whippits, anything I could take to escape my reality. Went to public school where I started hanging around with gang members and drug dealers. I began doing things that I regret today. I stole from my family to feed my addiction, I robbed drug dealers at gunpoint, I fought someone who assaulted my friend's sister and sent him to the ER with a concussion and a broken arm. I was a terrible kid. My brother and I's relationship was always fractured up until near the end of my last year of high school. That's when I tried changing and realizing I was around the wrong people, living the wrong lifestyle. Some of my friends were incarcerated for shootings, some were killed because of a drug deal gone wrong or they disrespected the wrong person.
So I began trying to quit substances. I ended up quitting for about 2 months before I began relapsing again and crashed into a bad car when under the influence. I was lucky that no one was hurt and that, since I was respectful to law enforcement, I only had to go through the insurance process. After that, I went clean for months and enrolled in community college tuition-free as my family's low-income qualified for their free tuition program. I never saw a future for myself, but I wanted to atleast try to rewrite my fate. Started to finally repair the broken relationships with my older brother, my mother. While I still relapsing at times, I ended up being placed on the Dean's list every quarter and transferred with a 4.0 to a private business school with a scholarship and alot of financial aid. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to afford going there. I never really fit in since I was around mostly students from affluent families, but I tried my best to be involved. Ended up being apart of a few different organizations, and becoming assistant coach of my university's boxing team. Had some drama on campus regarding girls and terrible breakups, and it was my fault due to lingering mental health issues, a cervical spine injury and unhealed trauma.
The issues I had on campus drove me to relapse, and when I did, I always caused some problems like the breakups and losing connections. I felt like I was losing my mind those two years, but somehow I was still able to graduate with honors, intern for two non-profits and being nominated for two awards at my business school, one for my performance in my major and one for my service to the community. Towards the end of my senior year, I ended up having my worse relapse; I fried my brain abusing THC pens, finishing a gram in a few days for months, including cocaine, ecstasy, whippits, mushrooms, everything. I lost most of my connection's respect for what I did. I couldn't think and I was paranoid for a month until I finally got help at my school's health center. They heard my story and suggested I go to get therapy. I finally did what I should've done for years and went to individual counseling where they assigned me to dialectical behavior therapy sessions and psychiatry. Starting taking SSRIs, becoming healthier. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder and C-PTSD. Became sober for 6 months. Things started to finally look up because I finally found out what was wrong with my brain. I ended up receiving a new grad offer to work at my dream company. My brain started to finally become silent and I finally started to live in reality instead of maladaptive daydreaming.
2024 - 2026
Before moving out, I ended up confronting my father about all the pain he has put through my family through, and we ended up getting into a fight where I still have a scar on my chest until this day. I moved out a month later to start my new grad role in Reno, Nevada and loved it. Many new grads hated the job, it was 12-16 hour days, on my feet for the entire shift, but to be able to earn trust, listen to the stories and work alongside the associates I lead, it was everything I could ask for. I finally had a stable income, had a career and senior management loved me. I built relationships with everyone at the FC, and with only 3 months in, I was loved by the associates. Unfortunately, I never faced my trauma, the emptiness, I only silenced them with the SSRIs. The company flew me out for training and I drank for the entire day. Morning, afternoon, night and when I came back to work, a co-worker of mine asked me if I wanted to smoke cannabis with her. So I did. I became hooked again. Cocaine, alcohol, nicotine, THC. Despite all of this, I was still putting everything into my work and going home with blisters on my feet. There was another manager who despised me because I was told she didn't like how I was a rising star, and she was someone that I wasn't scared to argue with when she blamed my team for mistakes she made.
She ended up going around asking associates if they had any dirt on me to create a case, and then she ended up reporting me to Loss Prevention where I was placed on paid suspension and terminated after. I don't hate her, even though she had a vendetta against me, I gave her the ammunition since I vaped in the fulfillment center, the most idiotic mistake someone could make, and it was caught on CCTV. I created enough good relationships that even the Loss Prevention site lead that interviewed me ended up offering to be a reference for future jobs and opportunities. So when I finally began feeling like everyone at the FC was family and that I finally had the opportunity to make good money to take care of my mother, I squandered it. I was broken after that, suicidal and completely hooked on substances again. I just couldn't face the pain and failure. My girlfriend at the time left me because she couldn't stand to see me spiral. A few months pass in my apartment alone and I knew it was time to change.
I ended up quitting substances, but this time, committing to sobriety for the rest of my life with the memory of how I failed and lost a life-changing opportunity. I ended up becoming obsessed with self-improvement, health and nutrition, replaced SSRIs with natural supplements, intellectual capital and becoming the best version of myself. Since I lost an opportunity that would've changed my life, I promised that I would come back by becoming the most disciplined version of myself. I quit all my vices including self pleasure, video games, distractions. I spent 10 months in solitude essentially finally confronting my unhealed trauma and accepting the truth of everything I went through. I lived below my means and that's how I was able to survive. Even though I had my very low moments, I still remained sober this time and faced my pain. I ended up making it to the final interviews for Goldman Sachs twice, which to me was a huge accomplishment despite me being rejected both times. After I was truly ready to re enter the workforce, I ended up receiving an offer in a another state, worse pay, but it was a job nonetheless so I moved 700 miles to Redmond, WA.
I didn't like the role and was depressed because of the reminder of what I lost in my last opportunity, all the things I did wrong. It was a dead end job doing mindless work. I did meet amazing people and built relationships with people that I'm still connected with until this day. I was grateful for the free meals, beautiful campus and everything. Despite this, every single day I felt the regret but still did my job, began investing and saving as much as I could. I didn't see a future here, knew that I had to find a way out. I ended up working as usual, pushing my limits and improving myself, and 6 months in I landed an offer with a federal agency, USCIS in Los Angeles, CA for a role with better pay, benefits and an actual career job. When it was time to fill out the SF-85P security paperwork for public trust, I couldn't bring myself to do the wrong thing and I did what I knew was right; I disclosed the full extent of my substance use and termination from my last role. After 3 months of onboarding, I was told that they would delay my entrance on duty as a result of them wanting to do a full investigation before adjudicating me. A week later, my offer was rescinded since the hiring official was not willing to wait. I was devastated and for weeks again, I felt like I wanted to end it all, but I knew I just had to keep pressing on, since this time, I knew I did the right thing.
Present Day
So, I ended up plotting my move anyways at the end of my lease. I kept my head down and worked for 2 months until my lease end, then put in my two weeks notice, rented an airbnb in Los Angeles, CA anyways and moved 1,200 miles, 20 hour drive, 26 hour full trip. It was brutal, but I made it. I came here to push my limits, to network and change my life. I've been here for two weeks and have tried my best to build relationships, network, apply and use it as a catalyst to become even better than I was before, more disciplined. But I still cannot shake the feeling that I failed, that I'm a failure. I ruined my career with short stints and a termination, and even when I'm trying my best to change my life, I still do not have a stable career, I don't even know what my future holds, if I'm still going to fall to my fate. Maybe I should go back for my masters, pivor careers, I don't know. I'm lost in this new city with savings but still, it's been a painful and unforgiving road. I will keep pressing on and I know that this is only the beginning. I have to do everything I can to help my mother when she retires, that's why I'm working so hard, my northstar. I can't fail her again like I did before. I have to keep pushing myself, no matter what. I have now been completely sober for 1 year, 7 months and 10 days. I will never give up on carving a better future for myself and those I love.
If you have read all the way through, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Just curious, a former SM asked for my resume and passed it to a partner he worked closely with in the office of my current city. I'm assuming nothing happens if the partner isn't interested in the resume or thinks it's subpar? I had some complications (brother passing away and offer being rescinded after I already moved) so I have some gaps that are explained on my resume but I am also aware it looks messier than the average person. Had a 3.7 GPA and MIS major at a target school for undergrad, also have been out of school for a little over 2 years working in supply chain/logistics and looking to pivot into PA.
Thanks.
This will be quite long so I appreciate anyone who's willing to understand my story.
Honestly this is so shameful and embarrassing to reflect back on, but I am still unable to get over being terminated that long ago and I think it'd help to write it out.
I was a college hire L4 Area Manager and I loved the role, contrary to many saying they hate it. I loved working with the associates, jumping in the fire so-to-speak, I didn't mind the long hours, I loved doing something that I felt made an impact. I put everything into my work. Many of the associates told me how much they appreciated someone that actually cared about them as people with stories, not just tools. I was terminated 3 months after starting.
I want to give some background on myself which will be relevant, I came from a broken home and my father was abusive. He beat my mother, brother and I growing up and at an early age, around ~13, I started drinking which led to abusing hard drugs around 16. I had a very troubled upbringing full of distrust. I was addicted to substances on and off until 23, after my termination, when I finally committed to complete sobriety for life. I just didn't come from a great background and saw many of my old friends were killed or incarcerated.
I tried to turn my life around by going to community college at 18, then transferring to a private business school with a full-ride scholarship. I graduated with honors then received the L4 AM offer. I thought this way a new beginning. I was getting paid decently, I loved the work, but there was one thing I didn't get over, which was my substance addiction, especially after my brother passed away around that time. I was offered by another manager if I wanted to smoke cannabis, and that led to nicotine and other substances again. As a result, I vaped nicotine inside the FC (I know, I was a moron, an idiot and I hate myself for it) and I already had another manager who I was told had a vendetta against me because of me being well-regarded quickly by senior management and the associates. She was known to not do her work on-time and all around not a great leader, either way, I still gave her ammunition by vaping and being an idiot, so it's completely my fault, not hers.
She went around asking associates if there's anything she could add in a case against me. They all told me that. I didn't think much of it until I was called by HR and Loss Prevention for an investigation which I told them the truth. Funny enough, the Loss Prevention site leader, I am still connected with today and he even apologized that I ended up getting terminated, knowing I tried my best to be a good person, I was just too weak to deal with my issues in a healthy manner. Anyways, 10 months later after interviewing with Goldman Sachs (made it to the Superday twice but rejected), and healing, confronting all the pain I used to run away from, I landed a contract role with Meta in low-level logistics and worked that for 10 months until I landed a full-time offer with the Federal government, but was rescinded due to budget cuts after I already moved and resigned.
There's times where I understand if it wasn't for the termination, I wouldn't have grown as much as I have (I've been nearly 2 years sober ever since, not a drop of alcohol either) and I've added many healthy habits into my life (meditation, spirituality, relationship building, natural supplements, self-improvement), but now that I'm alone in an expensive city I can't help but feel the loss of Amazon. I know everyone will say Amazon is cutthroat but I did not mind the long hours or the extreme pressure. I love working, it gives me purpose. I love the global impact that Amazon has. I see others in my onboarding doing well at Amazon, some people transferring to corporate roles making amazing money and benefits, improving their resume while I'm here, lost, broken, and with no job prospects. And they deserve it, because they weren't weak like me.
If only I was strong enough to be sober, if only I wasn't so damn weak, I would still be at Amazon and doing the same. It was my dream to work for Amazon as a PM, business analyst, or in supply chain. It just hurts seeing what I could've had if I was just better. I take responsibility for all my mistakes, but it just hurts thinking of what could've been. A company like Amazon on your resume, great money, amazing learning opportunities, I threw that all away. Now I'm considering a masters because I don't know what else to do. I do see this as an extremely painful - but necessary event because of what I lost, I have never thought about using substances or going down that road again.
If you read all this, then I really appreciate you. This was from my heart.
This will be quite long so I appreciate anyone who's willing to understand my story.
Honestly this is so shameful and embarrassing to reflect back on, but I am still unable to get over being terminated that long ago and I think it'd help to write it out.
I was a college hire L4 AM and I loved the role, contrary to many saying they hate it. I loved working with the associates, jumping in the fire so-to-speak, I didn't mind the long hours, I loved doing something that I felt made an impact. I put everything into my work. Many of the associates told me how much they appreciated someone that actually cared about them as people with stories, not just tools. I was terminated 3 months after starting.
I want to give some background on myself which will be relevant, I came from a broken home and my father was abusive. He beat my mother, brother and I growing up and at an early age, around ~13, I started drinking which led to abusing hard drugs around 16. I had a very troubled upbringing full of distrust. I was addicted to substances on and off until 23, after my termination, when I finally committed to complete sobriety for life. I just didn't come from a great background and saw many of my old friends were killed or incarcerated.
I tried to turn my life around by going to community college at 18, then transferring to a private business school with a full-ride scholarship. I graduated with honors then received the L4 AM offer. I thought this way a new beginning. I was getting paid decently, I loved the work, but there was one thing I didn't get over, which was my substance addiction, especially after my brother passed away around that time. I was offered by another manager if I wanted to smoke cannabis, and that led to nicotine and other substances again. As a result, I vaped nicotine inside the FC (I know, I was a moron, an idiot and I hate myself for it) and I already had another manager who I was told had a vendetta against me because of me being well-regarded quickly by senior management and the associates. She was known to not do her work on-time and all around not a great leader, either way, I still gave her ammunition by vaping and being an idiot, so it's completely my fault, not hers.
She went around asking associates if there's anything she could add in a case against me. They all told me that. I didn't think much of it until I was called by HR and Loss Prevention for an investigation which I told them the truth. Funny enough, the Loss Prevention site leader, I am still connected with today and he even apologized that I ended up getting terminated, knowing I tried my best to be a good person, I was just too weak to deal with my issues in a healthy manner. Anyways, 10 months later after interviewing with Goldman Sachs (made it to the Superday twice but rejected), and healing, confronting all the pain I used to run away from, I landed a contract role with Meta in low-level logistics and worked that for 10 months until I landed a full-time offer with the Federal government, but was rescinded due to budget cuts after I already moved and resigned.
There's times where I understand if it wasn't for the termination, I wouldn't have grown as much as I have (I've been nearly 2 years sober ever since, not a drop of alcohol either) and I've added many healthy habits into my life (meditation, spirituality, relationship building, natural supplements, self-improvement), but now that I'm alone in an expensive city I can't help but feel the loss of Amazon. I know everyone will say Amazon is cutthroat but I did not mind the long hours or the extreme pressure. I love working, it gives me purpose. I love the global impact that Amazon has. I see others in my onboarding doing well at Amazon, some people transferring to corporate roles making amazing money and benefits, improving their resume while I'm here, lost, broken, and with no job prospects. And they deserve it, because they weren't weak like me.
If only I was strong enough to be sober, if only I wasn't so damn weak, I would still be at Amazon and doing the same. It was my dream to work for Amazon as a PM, business analyst, or in supply chain. It just hurts seeing what I could've had if I was just better. I take responsibility for all my mistakes, but it just hurts thinking of what could've been. A company like Amazon on your resume, great money, amazing learning opportunities, I threw that all away. Now I'm considering a masters because I don't know what else to do. I do see this as an extremely painful - but necessary event because of what I lost, I have never thought about using substances or going down that road again.
If you read all this, then I really appreciate you. This was from my heart.
I'm currently a little over 2 years out of my undergrad at a target school in CA, graduated with a MIS degree and 3.7 GPA. I've been wanting to pivot into the GRC / IT Audit field for quite some time now, as I do not quite enjoy logistics and supply chain. Right out of college, I worked in operations management for a FAANG company until my brother's health began deteriorating and I resigned to take care of him. He passed away the same year, 10 months later I worked a contract role at another FAANG working in logistics for about 10 months until I resigned for a federal job offer that was rescinded after I already moved.
I'm in a new city, I do have savings, but I wanted to get all of your ideas, because I'm completely lost. I know that Big 4 firms typically recruit one year out and prioritize new grads for entry level roles, but so many IT Audit positions seem to exclusively be in PA and then you can use that experience for more GRC roles. I was thinking of getting a Masters in Accounting to supplement my MIS degree and get back into the recruiting pipeline but unfortunately I already missed the deadline this fall (didn't think about it until this week) for a school in my area. I also thought of taking the CISA but I don't have any work experience in the field to get certified.
I would appreciate anyone's thoughts or tips. I'm quite concerned about my career trajectory since I have gaps and I've had alot on my plate these past few years. Thank you.