Recently, I was raped and became pregnant. Something that initially made me apprehensive, but I accepted it, I even had a little hope. But I suffered a miscarriage. I lost my baby, my only motivation, and now I'm lost, without direction. I feel empty, I miss my baby that I never really got to know.
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Idk what to do to my life, I don't want to die. No, it's different, it's a simple desire to disappear, to cease to exist.
I was in biology class today, already feeling a little depressed, we were talking about how sperm reaches the egg, I asked my teacher: "If I hadn't won the race, would I still be me?"
She said: "Do you have siblings?"
Me: "Yes."
She: "They're not like you, right? So, if you hadn't won the race, you wouldn't be you."
A stupid question, I know, but I kept thinking about it, wondering how, out of millions of chances, I could have won the race? I won, but I want my life to end. Why me, then? If another gamete had arrived, would it have loved life and wanted to live?
I'm a burden to my family, truly, my mother always complains about how I'm a drain on her. I had a really bad end to the year last year that made me do bad things to myself, and my mom found out. Since then I've been in therapy, and it's not cheap; she makes a point of reminding me of that. I'm tired, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to exist, it's simple, you know. I just want to stop.
I don't know how to explain it, but I wanted some kind of music that would give me a powerful, free feeling, something kind of old-fashioned somehow. Similar to Florence + the Machine, I'm completely fascinated by the song "The Old Religion" and "Which Witch" I really wanted to find something similar. Do you have any suggestions?
Which lyrics touch you the most and leave you deeply moved?