What does "conventionally attractive" even mean? Am I overreacting?
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My boyfriend (38M) and I (32F) had an argument today, and I'm struggling to understand whether I'm being too sensitive or if what he said was genuinely hurtful.
For context, I've always been insecure about my weight. I'm trying to lose it, but it's been difficult. He's generally been very supportive and has reassured me many times that he still finds me sexy and attractive.
Today we were talking about me shopping for our upcoming date, and he said:
«"You're not conventionally beautiful. No one would call you a sexy beauty just by looking at you."»
Then he added:
«"I'm not with you because of your looks or body structure. I'm with you because I know what you offer as a human being."»
That really hurt. When I told him it had deeply affected me, he genuinely seemed confused about why. He later said:
«"Baby, I was referring only to your face, not your body. All I meant was that I find you attractive, beautiful, and sexy despite how you look now or how you'll look in the future."»
When I said it felt like he was calling me ugly in different words, he got angry and said I was twisting his words. He still stands by what he said.
His explanation was that people like Liv Tyler or Emily Ratajkowski are "conventionally good looking," and that he doesn't think I fall into that category. He insists he never called me ugly.
I'm confused.
What does "conventionally attractive" actually mean to most people? I always thought it meant someone whose appearance makes you take a second look. Like somebody preety walking down the street and you feel like noticing.
Also, is it unreasonable to expect your partner to see you as conventionally attractive? I know I'm probably not everyone's type, but I would hope my partner sees me that way. For example, my boyfriend isn't Hrithik Roshan, but I think he's incredibly handsome and sexy. I can't keep my hands off him, and he feels the same way about me physically, which is why his comments have left me feeling so conflicted.
Am I overreacting, or would you also find those comments hurtful?