u/Consistent_Owl8010

Is it worth going NC? Bad-but-not-awful parents

So I just want to start: my childhood was not as severe as many of yours were. There were no beatings. There were not many screaming matches. Even narcissistic barbs were mostly at a minimum.

That said, from a young age, I had the signs of being a poorly parented child. I always felt out of place with other kids my age. I was very isolated by my parents who seemed to think everyone else was "stupid" or "a bad parent". My mom in particular was very strict. She would rant about how the other parents weren't disciplined enough.

Home life was a set of complex arbitrary rules- almost no TV shows were allowed, they were "junk TV". Had nothing to connect with other kids about. Most food was "junk food", there were sugar limits on everything. My mom was pretty crazy.

Everyone would tell me how mature I was for my age. I was extremely quiet too . And I always felt weird. I just wanted to be myself but I was always held up as some kind of role model for other kids.

As I got older, and in middle school, my parents got divorced. My dad was very absent after the divorce (and honestly, was throughout my whole childhood, looking back). My teenage years were me going back and forth between my parents houses every week. I hated it. Each parent always expected me to show that I loved being around them.

I went to university, away from home, and really struggled with social interaction. Struggled with friends, women, pretty much everything other than studying. My parents taught me basically no useful skills. They did teach me how to work and invest money, which is quite useful, and ironically the only thing they're good at.

At 25 I started going to therapy, thinking I was just slightly unhappy and had below average romantic relationships (I pretty much taught myself social skills). But after a year it really turned my life on its head. We ended up seeing my inner child, that was completely cold, devoid of love. Seriously neglected emotionally.

Anyways at 26 I am seriously considering going NC. I no longer try and repress my feelings to keep them happy. They are both just empty inside. They need external validation from whoever is around them. I just don't care anymore and they're crying about how our relationship seems to be going downhill. I don't visit much (both barely visited me, it was on me to show up, and my dad barely calls). I feel physical revulsion being around either parent, especially my dad. My dad is an alcoholic in a loveless marriage with a woman who's kids also barely talk to her. My mom is an emotional wreck who clings to "good" memories of me being a child, and makes up health scares for attention.

Am I overreacting? Like there wasn't some big event or serious abuse? I'm kind of struggling to figure out why I feel this way. Like I have the "symptoms" but I don't really have a cause for a horrible childhood. I don't think my parents are awful people but I don't want to continue a relationship with them. Anybody who would lead to an inner child feeling that way, something must be wrong.

I think I'm lucky to be in a decent spot financially, socially, and career wise (95% self taught), but it makes me really angry that they sent me out into the world ill-prepared. It could have been much worse.

Any thoughts?

So I just want to start: my childhood was not as severe as many of yours were. There were no beatings. There were not many screaming matches. Even narcissistic barbs were mostly at a minimum.

That said, from a young age, I had the signs of being a poorly parented child. I always felt out of place with other kids my age. I was very isolated by my parents who seemed to think everyone else was "stupid" or "a bad parent". My mom in particular was very strict. She would rant about how the other parents weren't disciplined enough.

Home life was a set of complex arbitrary rules- almost no TV shows were allowed, they were "junk TV". Had nothing to connect with other kids about. Most food was "junk food", there were sugar limits on everything. My mom was pretty crazy.

Everyone would tell me how mature I was for my age. I was extremely quiet too . And I always felt weird. I just wanted to be myself but I was always held up as some kind of role model for other kids.

As I got older, and in middle school, my parents got divorced. My dad was very absent after the divorce (and honestly, was throughout my whole childhood, looking back). My teenage years were me going back and forth between my parents houses every week. I hated it. Each parent always expected me to show that I loved being around them.

I went to university, away from home, and really struggled with social interaction. Struggled with friends, women, pretty much everything other than studying. My parents taught me basically no useful skills. They did teach me how to work and invest money, which is quite useful, and ironically the only thing they're good at.

At 25 I started going to therapy, thinking I was just slightly unhappy and had below average romantic relationships (I pretty much taught myself social skills). But after a year it really turned my life on its head. We ended up seeing my inner child, that was completely cold, devoid of love. Seriously neglected emotionally.

Anyways at 26 I am seriously considering going NC. I no longer try and repress my feelings to keep them happy. They are both just empty inside. They need external validation from whoever is around them. I just don't care anymore and they're crying about how our relationship seems to be going downhill. I don't visit much (both barely visited me, it was on me to show up, and my dad barely calls). I feel physical revulsion being around either parent, especially my dad. My dad is an alcoholic in a loveless marriage with a woman who's kids also barely talk to her. My mom is an emotional wreck who clings to "good" memories of me being a child, and makes up health scares for attention.

Am I overreacting? Like there wasn't some big event or serious abuse? I'm kind of struggling to figure out why I feel this way. Like I have the "symptoms" but I don't really have a cause for a horrible childhood. I don't think my parents are awful people but I don't want to continue a relationship with them. Anybody who would lead to an inner child feeling that way, something must be wrong.

I think I'm lucky to be in a decent spot financially, socially, and career wise (95% self taught), but it makes me really angry that they sent me out into the world ill-prepared. It could have been much worse.

Any thoughts?