u/Consistent_Phrase173

33f In long term relationship.

I'm an amatrure photographer. I enjoy it.

I love walking and try to go out on my mountain bike when I can. Nothing crazy but I enjoy it. I enjoy going up and coming down fast when I can. I would probably kill myself if I did some crazy trails. 🥲

I would love to find friends or people to go and watch bands and shows with. I also like to have a drink (or two).

I like crime documentaries and occasionally read.

Not really sure what else to say about myself. My partner works shifts and I work from home most days. I would like to be able to look forward to some company and plans on the odd weekend or evening.

I'm in south Wales UK. There's a few bands and things I want to see and do in Cardiff and in Bristol and I'd rather go with people and potentially make some friends than go alone. ☺️ Please DM me.

My previous posts should still be visible if people are interested.

Today he tells me he had received a photo from his mother on a what's app message . And he responded back lovely photo with a heart.

The photo is of his mum, and aunties. One of which passed away a few years ago. She's had it photoshopped and tidied up. Why tell me this? Why even respond ? After all of the nasty things this woman (mil) has said just a week ago to him on the phones tag teaming with the sister.

This pattern continues. He's blocked the sister but not his mother. I told him can you not see how this makes me confused - You reply to a message something nice, basically rewarding her behaviour with your nice attention after all the hurtful things she has done and said, she still gets your attention when there's a guilty message ( which was look at this photo your sister has photoshopped them together ).

He paused and said well it was my aunties birthday maybe that's why she sent it. And I reminded him, oh the auntie that now also hates me acording to your mum because of your mum ?

He paused said he forgot about that, and then apologised. He said it was a mistake he replied to her message and that nothing will come between us. I told him it is coming between us. It's ruining my life, your life and this relationship. He said he needed more time..and to give it time and that the boundaries are being held .he didn't see the harm in the message. I pointed out that this is 5th time now this pattern has played out. Nasty phone call, you say they won't contact again, she sends a guilt trip, you reply. The next thing will be her trying to contact you again more and more and the cycle continues. It's been 5 months and I'm tired. I'm physically ill, my cat is ill , and I'm being pushed over the edge. And he actually said 5 months is nothing and to give him another 5 months !

I told him I can't. I've begged him to go to therapy. I can't give him 5 more months. I will leave. My cats been so ill back and forth to the vet all week and I'm tired. I'm tired out. I had a panic attack this morning and I know it sounds pathetic. I feel he's making me ill. I don't even want to speak to him. Am I being dramatic. I don't care if that's his mum any more, she's a vile woman. I know I can't control him and I don't want to control him, but I'm getting frustrated that her actions aren't having clear cut consequences and boundaries. He said he won't go to therapy so I'm done.

There's nothing for me to salvage with him. 8 years ? just gone. He doesn't see he's the issue ? We are supposed to go on holiday together at the end of the month with my family and I don't want him to come. I don't want to to spend time with him. I want to seperate. But I feel guilty, like I'm not getting my own way and making him choose. I'm really starting to hate him. I am trying to hold on for my cat to recover then I think I'm going to move in to my mum's for a while. I've called off sick to work today as I feel like I'm going to vomit I'm so stressed 😥

Hello, it’s only been 3 days since my last post and somehow it’s escalated again.

My MIL contacted our estate agent again, so my partner messaged her telling her to stop. She immediately rang him while he was in work and kept him on the phone twenty mins. He didn’t go into loads of detail with me, just said they were being horrible about both of us again — MIL and SIL, a bit of a duo when it comes to this.

For context, I haven’t seen his sister since December, and I’ve seen his mum once since then when she came over and had the chance to make things right. She didn’t.

On the call, he kept asking them the same thing: do you genuinely believe I am controlling him and ripping the family apart? Every time they said yes, he replied that he doesn’t want to spend time with people who think that about the person he loves. He said it was very simple and clear, and repeated it several times. Eventually his mum backed down and said they take it back, but it didn’t sound genuine. He even laughed and said something along the lines of “nice try, you’re not getting your own way.”

His sister then started shouting down the phone, saying why can’t she come round and say her piece if his mum was allowed to. She brought up Christmas and claimed she’d apologised, which she hasn’t. Then she followed it up with messages saying she’s coming to the house to “sort it out once and for all,” telling him to be there at 7:30 and to make sure I was there too. This was after he had already told her not to come. I've logged this with the police. As he wouldn't. He's still delusional that they won't "do anything".

This is the second time she’s threatened to just turn up like that. And she has turned up in the past. Alongside that, his mum has been contacting the estate agent, has turned up unannounced before, and previously refused to leave when asked. At this point I don’t see how this isn’t harassment.

I even had to call the estate agent myself and apologise, and politely say that if she wanted to drop us as clients due to the situation, I would understand. She reassured me it was fine and that she didn’t want to drop us, and that she believes it will stop now.

My partner keeps saying they won’t do it again, but there’s nothing in their behaviour that suggests that. He tells them to leave him alone and that he’s not ready, but they ignore it. They aren't responding to his soft boundaries. As he won't go to therapy, he's promised to read and complete a book about toxic parents etc. It seems good and he's able to deal with stuff better but they are relentless.

He’s mentioned before that we are moving to the city, but they either haven’t taken it in or are choosing to ignore it. They were angry he hadn’t made some kind of formal announcement about putting the house on the market, which says a lot in itself. They don’t stop to think why he might not feel comfortable sharing things with them.

His mum also accused me of dragging him to the city. He laughed and pointed out he works there anyway, then questioned why he was even having to justify it. She then switched tone and started asking questions about the house — price, location, details — and he shut that down as well, saying they can’t speak to him the way they do and then expect normal conversation.

I’ve reported the latest threat about coming to the house to the police online and I’m waiting for a call back. Last time they offered to speak to them and warn them to stop. I’ll be honest, I’m disappointed he hasn’t taken that step himself because nothing so far feels like a solid, enforced boundary. I'm taking this into my own hands. When the police calm me back, I will take them up on the offer of them speaking to them.

They are volatile enough that I genuinely worry they might turn up, or approach me if I see them in public. He is adamant they won’t, but I still feel like he underestimates how far they will go. He has said this situation has helped him see them for what they are, but he has said that before, and yet we’re still here dealing with the same pattern. Normal people do not demand to turn up to your house and text saying make sure you're both there at 7.30pm tonight. I'm coming regardless if you don't want me to. It would be different if I was please let me talk to you weare sorry etc but it isn't this at all..it's bullying and intimidation. And I'm not allowing it.

They are also using his sister's kids gainst him, saying he hasn’t seen them for 18 weeks. He responded that it is a shame, but that their mother's and grandmother's behaviour is affecting his mental health, which means he can’t visit. Their response was to dismiss that entirely. "Xxxx your mental health".

At this point I don’t really care what they say about me, but I do feel sorry for him. His dad and aunt have now got involved and are telling him to just move on, but they don’t seem to understand what has actually been said and done. They are adding pressure without knowing the full picture.

Comments like dismissing his mental health, accusing me of controlling him, or saying I’ve intentionally ripped the family apart are not things you just brush off and move on from. Yet they still expect him to show up to family events and act like everything is normal.

I’ve told him he is free to handle his family however he wants, but they are not going to change. The only thing he can control is how he responds to them. In my opinion, they don’t respect boundaries unless they are firm ones.

Right now I feel like I’m the only one taking this as seriously, and I don't care if he gets upset I sent the police round. Every time the door knocks im worrying. I'm worrying I'll see them in public. I rarely go out. And he isn't concretely saying back off.

I went with a local estate agent. They valued my home a lot more than I thought would get, and after doing my research, they have very good selling results.

Oh how I regret this choice. I didn't realise his mum is sitting on Facebook scanning everything and everything. all the local for sale pages included.

The estate agent has made a social media post saying coming soon to the area, and listed a bunch of streets and prices. Our street is in this list.

I have woke up to a bunch of missed calls and messages stating to call the estate agent it's urgent. And my other half forwarded me a text stating his mum has tried to contact her to ask which house number on our street is for sale , can she tell her or not?

I replied back you tell the estate agent yourself what you want her to do. And as we previously agreed, do not speak to me or message me about your mum.

The estate agent has messaged me regarding contracts this morning and I responded saying they are signed and should be with her already. Then she added I have told xxxx that his mum has been messaging me. You might want to have a chat. All I replied was thanks I'll let him know.

Imo I actually don't care if she told his mum the house number. It will be on Zoopla soon and you can see the number from the pictures. It makes no difference to me if she knows. However, I find it concerning she's bothering the estate agent.

I feel this is for him to deal with and not me. Do I tell him what the estate agent messaged me? He is just shutting down and fawning about it all. I can't even relate to it anymore. Grab the bull by the horns and tell her it is none of your business we are moving. Stop contacting the estate agent. Or yes we are moving isn't that great news. I haven't told you because I'm still upset with you after what you did... I want to say this to him. but I actually can't. I just look on with pitty and say I don't know it's up to you what you do with it.

I'm annoyed with him. He won't go to counciling. The very message sent him into panic mode this morning and I have pulled the house from the market and scheduled it to go up next month instead. Because he needs to pluck up the courage to deal with his mum. She hasn't even done anything that bad other than message the estate agent asking for the house details. I don't even care. He's panicking.

I've actually lost sympathy for him. Like watching someone mentally distress themselves time and time again when there are options he won't do or engage in. It's been going on since January.