u/ConstantStore8155

I (18FTM) am wondering if I’m the asshole for wanting distance from my aunt (55F), even though she played a big role in raising me. My mother is 57F.

For context, my mom and aunt grew up very close. They were part of three sisters, but the oldest left early and cut contact, so my mom and aunt became extremely close. My aunt has also been diabetic since her early 20s, which made their bond even stronger.

I grew up without a father, and my aunt took on a parental role in my life, almost like a substitute father. She helped raise me, supervised my homework, and had a lot of authority over me growing up.

However, her behavior toward me was often aggressive and controlling. She yelled at me frequently, forced me to do things even when I said no, and I learned very early to think carefully before speaking around her. I was never fully relaxed in her presence.

Some things that still affect me today:

When I was around 9–10 years old and struggling with coordination issues (I have dyspraxia), she once told me that my mother “should have aborted me.”

And she took the habit to pull my hair and insult me when I didn't do things the way I was supposed to

Around age 13, during a fight between her and my mom, the situation became physical and she tried to hit me. My grandmother intervened to stop it.

She often says that yelling and being strict “made me a calm, well-behaved child who knows her limits.”

She has a completely different attitude with other children (friends’ kids, her godchild): she’s gentle, patient, and caring. With me, she was harsh and critical.

Because of how I was raised, I now get anxious over small mistakes (like spilling a drink), even when I’m alone.

As an adult, I’ve noticed that I feel intense stress when I’m around her, and strong relief when I’m not. I feel guilty for wanting distance because she helped raise me and sacrificed things for me, but being close to her seriously affects my mental health.

I’m not trying to punish her or start drama. I just want emotional distance and boundaries so I can feel safe and calm.

Is it ok for me to wanting to distance myself from my aunt, even though she helped raise me?

Hey ! I'm a french trans guy. When September arrived I went 800km away from my family (for study). So basically I learned how to live alone. I've always had a bad relationship with my family. So everything that was connected to my mental health was not bought up. Even though I was having very bad mental health issues since I was 13. So now I'm 18 one day I'm getting drunk (to forget that I have to go home) and basically telling my friends I want to off myself. So firefighters came to pick me up and put me in a hospital. After this I went to a psychiatrist I really opened up to her and told her everything that was going on in my life. I saw her multiple times and she put on a treatment for anxiety. For the record I had been having panic attacks since middle school and a lot in highschool. So many panic attacks my mom had to come pick me up from highschool. So she knows that I did a lot of panic attacks. When I came back to the dorm I straight up told my mom I was on treatment (Atarax, Which is a light treatment). I got yelled at by the phone and she and my aunt told me to bring the treatment when I had to get back to my family. I did, I know I shouldn't have but I did. So when I first arrived she took my treatment, I was hoping I could find it cause it helps me. But no I've been there 3 weeks and she won't give it back to me. So today I confronted her about it and she said I can't have it cause it's not good for me (hello are you a doctor?). So I can't have back my treatment (WHICH HELPS ME A LOT) and she claims I'm being too dramatic and overreacting. And also to be clear the psychiatrist diagnosed me (in oral cause I'm too broke to have a real diagnosis lol) with general anxiety disorder. So am I Overreacting?