Am I doing something wrong?
My ex (32M) and I were in a relationship for 8yrs. At first, everything was great. We went long distance because I moved but the goal was for him to move to me (I moved back to my home state after college). We dated for a few months before going long distance but had known each other as friends for years.
For the first year and a half, everything was great. After that, he started standing me up on our dates to party and never came to visit me. At first I wasn't too upset as we were 23 years old and long distance. But then he started lying. This went on for a few years. He did come and visit me once but I kept going out there. I told him that if he couldn't show up to our virtual dates or come visit me that I couldn't keep up the relationship. I thought things changed, then he lied about coming to visit twice and fabricated plane tickets to make me believe he bought them. That's when we first broke up. Later, he had a death in his family and I was (virtually) there for him. We weren't dating but we were very close. It got to the point that we wanted to start dating again. We agreed on saving up the same amount of money to cover our expenses. During this time, he fell into a deep depression and I had to make a 5150 call for him. After he got out, he told me he was seeing a therapist and still wanted to move. He finally moved and we started living in my family house. Long story short, he lied about getting a job AND about saving money. By that time I had gone through all of my savings and we broke up again. He paid me back the thousands of dollars, he got a job, moved out on his own, and was doing well. And yes, we dated another time. Things were great. Until, the lies astarted again and they were worse and so was his mental health. He lied about seeing a therapist, paying his part of the bills, lied to his loved ones, and lied about so much more. I got him set up with a therapist and got us into couples therapy. He kept telling me he had self harming thoughts whenever I brought up his lies. Then he started lying to his therapist and our couples therapist. He would manipulate me, steal from me, and tell me that without me he might hurt himself. I finally ended things and he flat out told me that he used me, manipulated me, and took advantage of me. When I end things I told him I wanted no contact. He has since moved back to his home state and lives with family.
No he never: hit me, yelled at me, or cursed me out.
I've gone to my own therapist, realized my role of not upholding boundaries which enabled things, and have told my loved ones that I was in an abusive relationship. Some loved ones and friends have asked me why I don't want to know how he's doing since I wanted to marry him. Then get upset when I say, " I hope he works on himself for the sake of those who come into contact with him. If he chooses not to get the help he truly needs, I hope he lives a mediocre life with the awareness that it's his fault for it being that way."
Am I really being outlandish for not wanting to talk to him or be in his life anymore?
Is my response too much?