u/Coochieman0905

I’m not sure if I am remembering correctly but I have this memory of one of the ending taglines being “_____ freaks me out” . And I remember it sounded like maybe sikowitz? Or Robbie? I’ve been searching for hours and I can’t find anything. Like am I going crazy T-T I could also be remembering wrong.

Does anyone struggle with having a lot of self awareness? It feels like I’m just watching myself go insane whilst not knowing what to do about it. And sometimes in certain situations I also find myself feeling anxious about getting triggered.

I think what’s happening is that I have a deep fear of abandonment that comes from childhood. Sometimes something small happens, like a change in plans, a delayed message or someone being unavailable longer than expected and it triggers that fear.
When that happens, my brain starts trying to explain the uncomfortable feeling, and it often comes up with stories like “they don’t like me anymore” or “they don’t want to talk to me.” Even when I logically know that’s probably not true, the feeling can still be very strong.

The difficult part is that I’m usually aware that this is happening. I can often recognize that I’m being triggered and that my fears don’t necessarily match reality. But being aware of it doesn’t make the feeling go away.
When I’m in that state, I can become hypervigilant and start paying extra attention to things that person says or does, looking for signs that confirm my fears. And then I become anxious because I fear getting triggered and causing a split or argument. And when that argument actually happens I’m upset at the person and myself for being upset 🥲