u/Cool_Town_877

I’ve been dealing with this for a few years now and I don’t really know why. I barely remember much of my childhood, even though I have loving parents and a decent upbringing.

But whenever it comes to making major life decisions, I constantly seek validation from friends or people around me. Even after talking to my parents, I still overthink whether others approve of my choices.

Growing up, I spent a lot of time alone because both my parents were working. I also didn’t have many friends and used to be extremely shy. Ironically, now I’m the “life of the group” in my friend circle, but internally I still struggle a lot with overthinking and people-pleasing.

I’m turning 30 this year, and lately I’ve been thinking about this constantly. It makes me wonder why I care so much about disappointing people or being seen as selfish for choosing what I want.

Whenever I want to make a decision for myself, my brain instantly goes:
“What if they feel bad?”
“Am I being selfish?”
“Will this hurt someone?”

I genuinely just want to be happy and make decisions without constantly worrying about other people’s feelings or needing external validation.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I (30F) am dating a guy from a different caste, and recently I told my parents about him because they had started looking for matches for me through matrimony.

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months, but we’ve been friends for many years. I honestly believed we belonged to a similar community, but before telling my parents, I confirmed it with him and found out his caste is different. He said he himself was never very aware of it. Whenever this topic came up before, he would just say, “We’ll manage.” He knew my caste from the beginning, and I was always very upfront about it.

He’s genuinely a very caring person. He takes care of me when I’m sick, listens to me patiently, remembers the smallest details about me from the day we met, and supports me in my career too. Being with him feels easy and comforting.

At the same time, my parents are also not being unreasonable or forcing me into marriage. Even after I told them about him, they didn’t pressure me. They said they only want the best for me and are worried about whether I’ll truly be accepted and treated well after an inter-caste marriage. They’ve always encouraged me to focus on my career and independence.

That’s why I feel stuck. I don’t think either side is wrong. I understand my parents’ fears, but I also know my boyfriend is a good person.

As a woman, marriage comes with so many adjustments and responsibilities already, and I keep wondering: is it worth going against my parents for this relationship, or should I let him go?

Would really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who’ve been in similar situations.
Is arranged marriage worth it because I don’t know if I will fall in love with random guy