u/Cool_man27

I have a serious question for people who have been studying the Bible for a long time.

Do you feel like you actually have the wisdom described in Proverbs? If so, how did you get there—and how long did it take?

I've been praying for wisdom for over 3 years. During those 3 years, I've read Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Job, Wisdom of Solomon, and Ecclesiasticus almost every day. I've prayed repeatedly for God to give me wisdom.

But honestly, I still feel like I can't get the wisdom “edged into my heart.”

I'll read a proverb and understand exactly what it's saying. I may even know the verse by memory. But then something happens in real life, and I do the exact opposite of what I just read.

For example, Proverbs 16:32 says:

«“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”»

I know that verse. I've read it many times. I believe it.

But when somebody makes me angry, I can still go off at the mouth. Then afterward I'll think, “I should have remembered the proverb.”

That's what bothers me. It's not that I don't have access to the wisdom. I can read it, understand it, and sometimes even explain it. The problem is remembering and applying it in the moment when I actually need it.

So I'm curious about people who feel like Proverbs has genuinely become part of how they think and live:

Did you ever struggle with this?

How did you go from knowing the wisdom intellectually to actually remembering it in the moment?

Did you memorize verses? Pray differently? Practice one proverb at a time? Keep a journal? Have someone hold you accountable?

And if you feel like you've actually developed the kind of wisdom Proverbs talks about, how long did it take you?

I'm not looking for someone to tell me, “Just read the Bible more.” I've been reading these books almost every day for years.

I'm trying to understand how wisdom moves from the page into your reactions, decisions, words, and habits.

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing from people who have been through this themselves.

How did you learn to actually live Proverbs instead of just know Proverbs?

I've been hearing voices for about two years, and I'm posting because I want to know if anyone else has gone through something similar.

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It started after I met a woman while I was drunk. She flirted with me casually, and I tried to take things further sexually. I said things to her that I regret, and she told me that my character was bad. After that encounter, I dropped her off and went on with my life.

Not long afterward, I started hearing what sounded like her voice in my head.

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At first it was mild. Then it became critical. Eventually it became downright evil. The voice constantly insults me, criticizes me, humiliates me, and gives commands. It tells me to do embarrassing things, say humiliating things, and tries to wear me down mentally. Sometimes it repeats the same thing for hours.

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Over time, I realized it wasn't just one voice. I hear about six distinct voices altogether. Two of them are the main ones. One is constantly talking and commenting on everything I do. The other is the one that really pierces my heart and can change my mood almost instantly with the things it says.

Most of the time the voices feel internal, like they're coming from inside my head. However, when I'm off my medications, they can seem to move outside my head and sound as if they're coming from the environment around me. When I'm unmedicated, I also sometimes hear strange sounds that resemble furniture moving or shifting around.

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Early on, I got angry and started fighting back. I called the main voice every name I could think of because I felt like it was trying to control me and was seeking revenge against me. Whether that's actually what was happening or not, that's how it felt to me. The more I argued with it, the worse things seemed to get. Eventually I stopped talking back because every time I responded, the voices became louder, meaner, and more relentless. Now I mostly try to ignore them because arguing never seems to help.

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One strange thing is that the voices claim the whole thing is witchcraft. Because of that, I ended up consulting people who claimed to have spiritual knowledge. One woman who called herself a witch told me that a mother and daughter were behind it and wanted $1,000 to remove them. I never paid her.

I also spoke with a man who claimed to be a wizard. He told me that it was the woman I met and her family, and that they hated me because of things I had said about her both in my head and out loud.

The problem is that neither person provided evidence. They both seemed to know parts of my situation, but in the end they mainly wanted more money.

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I eventually contacted the real woman. She told me that she does not believe in witchcraft in the way the voices describe it. That conversation left me even more confused because it didn't match what the voices and the people claiming spiritual knowledge were telling me.

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The voices also tell me that she really liked me, that she's behind what's happening. At one point I even gave the real woman money as a blessing, and she keeps asking for money here and there. My dad advised me not to keep contacting the real woman, so I've tried to leave her alone.

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After two years, I honestly don't know what to think. Part of me wonders if the voices are somehow connected to real people. Another part of me knows that psychosis can make experiences feel completely real even when they aren't. I go back and forth trying to make sense of it.

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Another thing that makes this difficult is that the voices don't always stay the same. When I'm taking my medications consistently, they usually stay inside my head. But when I'm off my medications for a period of time, they become much more aggressive and controlling. It can feel like they're trying to take over my behavior and push me into doing things I normally wouldn't do.

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One of the lowest points in my life happened during a period when I wasn't properly medicated. My symptoms became severe enough that I ended up getting expelled from campus. Looking back, that was one of the clearest examples of how much worse things can get when the illness is untreated.

I've tried therapy. I've tried multiple psychiatric medications. So far I haven't gotten the relief I hoped for. I've also gained a significant amount of weight from psychiatric medications over the years. That's been frustrating because the weight gain affects my confidence and physical health, yet the voices are still present. It often feels like I'm dealing with both the side effects and the symptoms at the same time.

One treatment I'm interested in is clozapine because I've heard it can help people whose symptoms haven't responded well to other medications. My concern is that clozapine takes time to work. From what I've been told, you have to start at a low dose and slowly increase it. I'm worried that during that waiting period the voices could become worse before the medication has a chance to help.

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I also experience what I call an "eye thing." Sometimes I get a strange sensation in my eyes, almost like they're shaking internally or becoming locked onto things. When that happens, the voices usually get louder and more intense.

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Through all of this, I've stayed close to God. I'm praying constantly and trying to hold on to my faith.

One thing I'm proud of is that I graduated college while dealing with all of this. I earned a bachelor's degree in Engineering Technology. But finding and keeping employment has been difficult because the voices are distracting, exhausting, and hard to explain to other people.

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Has anyone else experienced voices that sounded like a specific person? Did they become more critical, commanding, or hostile over time? Did arguing with them seem to make them worse? Have you ever been convinced real people were involved, only to later question that belief?

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I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who can relate.

Thanks for reading

Were theier voices while you were waiting on it to get in your system? And how did your doctor titrate you up? Were there weekly doctors appointments? Phone call,? Specific instructions? What? Asking Because I'm going to be on it soon

Interested in hearing other people's story.

If so how much weight did the other antipsychotics give you and how much did the clozapine give you?

On haldol 20 mg, cobenfy 125/30 and invega 12 mg. The current medication I'm on is not working and I know the voices will torture me if I come off any of it. I have to wait on the the clozapine to take affect and find the right dosage from a low dose. What do I do?

I am wore out by the voices. I remember when I was in school I was very productive and even made all A's one semester in an engineering degree. Now that I'm in psychosis I don't even feel like applying for jobs. My meds are not working and all I do is sleep all the time. Any advice? I'm a 32 M so I have to do something. Those that don't work don't eat, but it's hard living with voices. They tell me to lose hope but there is something in that still believes I can make something of myself. I'm on 3 different antipsychotics haldol, invega, and cobenfy and none of them are working for me. Does it get better? I have been in psychosis for going on 3 years now. I do not like this illness.

I can feel my moves under my eye lids when I place my finger on them slightly. The voices also get louder when this phenomenon happens. Sometimes it feels like the voices can turn down the intensity of it. Im on 3 different antipsychotics haldol invega and cobenfy. I was wondering could this be a side effect from one of the medications? Has anyone else experienced this? Why do the voices get louder when this happen? I need your answers so help because it is happening now.

I am on haldol, invega, and cobenfy all at the same time and none of its working.