Discarded and disrespected — turns out it was undisclosed ED and pure ego
There was nothing deep hiding underneath. Just fear, ego, and a refusal to be honest.
I met someone with whom there was an incredible connection from day one — hours of talking, intellectually very compatible, real desire on both sides.
But as soon as things got serious, a pattern emerged that took me years to understand: constant avoidance, disappearing without explanation, a sexual failure (or what he perceived as one, not me, honestly) — probably related to an undisclosed back problem — that instead of communicating, he handled with silence, shame, and empty phrases like "it's not flowing", "you make me feel uncomfortable," or "I don't want to bring my problems into this, it's just not coming naturally to connect with you" leaving me carrying guilt that was never mine. Well... the guy has erectile dysfunction.
I spent like a year of trying to process his rejection. I was diving in Attachment Theory and so on... He even mentioned he was avoidant a couple of times. After his rejection, I felt completely inferior, not enough, even started to doubt if any men would want me for more than a year.
Now I know: deep down, it wasn't so much a profound trauma as poor ego management: he preferred to seem mysterious and tormented rather than admit something simple and human.
There were years of back-and-forth: blocking, reappearing, orbiting even while in a relationship, and never, not once, an honest conversation about what was actually going on.
If this is happening to someone else — someone who seems deep and mysterious but in practice only offers ambiguity, silence, and inconsistent treatment — know that it's not a failure on your part.
The other person's inability to be honest doesn't get fixed with endless patience or by understanding their wounded ego.
It gets resolved by setting boundaries and not waiting around for clarity that will probably never come.