u/CosmicConjuror2

Inoften feel very intimidated by socials groups, like going to bars and getting to know people. I runaway or come up with an excuse to excuse myself from a conversation. It's the feeling of that I'm going to get rejected or won't fit it as usual that intimidates me.

Nonetheless I do try to put myself out there. I'd like to know what are some things to be mindful of when you're getting to know someone/people. Traits and quirks that may prove bothersome to people.

Like I know years back, with an ex of mind, we were eating and talking at the some restaurant discussing some movie that had just come out. She was trying to get a word in, and I guess I must've kept interrupting her in my enthusiasm, until finally she yelled back at me LET ME FINISH. Oh felt so embarrassed and filled with shame and I realized that I probably been doing that my whole life. Or rambling about a topic no one else is interested in.

So I guess I'd like a quick rundown of what us people with ADHD need to be mindful of.

In current reading Master the Art of Witchcraft by Frater Barrbbaras.

Now I don’t have much experience in Magick. For a few years I practiced Bardon’s Initiation into Hermetics but didn’t get far. I have been practicing meditation and visualization of the 5 senses for a while now. But I gave up on the system when I saw no results from the character transformation methods the book teaches. So I figured it was time to move on.

Witchcraft interests me. I like the DIY style it seems to have.

This book I mentioned talks about creating or finding your own pantheon of deities to work with when you’re doing ritual. In particular, adding 4 deities in the cardinal points in your magical circle. These deities can be daemons, archangels, Greek gods, etc.

However as an atheist, I’m not really sure how to go on about creating my own craft when it seems that most resources include some kind deity worship.

Can someone point me to the write direction?

Maybe this is the perfectionist in me, and I tend to ruminate way too much and gather too much information to the point of doubting myself.

But having read more books in the past two years than in the decade before, particularly history and some philosophical and spiritual texts, I often find that every single field, and topics within that field, all tend to be a rabbit hole, with the vast majority of topics being impossible to master in a whole life time. There's always more to find and uncover.

Take the current example I find myself in. I'm currently reading Plato's Complete works as a foundation in order to dive into Neoplatonic and Gnostic texts. Reading this massive book is already a hefty task on its own. Not only do you need to read it once, but maybe more than 3 times in order for such texts to become clearer. But it goes way beyond that

- there's secondary texts such as Cambridge Companions or Oxford Handbook that serve as a guide to Plato's works. Hell there even academic books on each dialogue that dive into it at full length. There are MANY scholars who have their own different analysis of the dialogues, all worth reading

- there's Neoplatonic texts which is a whole field that seems to serve as a commentary as to what was Plato actually trying to say in his works

- there's the historical contexts maybe one should study of the time, such as the The Peloponnesian War or the Thirty Tyrants

- There's partaking in an actual philosophical class or group so you can have discussions with your colleagues, which some say is the point of such dialogues.

Like I said, its a never ending rabbit hole. And that's JUST Plato. Take another massive tome, the Bible, and its even deeper as you have so many interpretations, historical background and contests, spiritual allegories, etc.

Point that I'm trying to say this, in the Occult, lots of texts seem to have so much to offer in regards to information and thus interpretation that it doesn't seem possible to acquire the the level knowledge needed to say "Hey yeah, I know what I'm taking about when it comes to Plato". Unless you dedicate yourself to it professionally. But if you're the average joe with a 9-5 job and also have hobbies such as gym, hiking, video games, film watching etc. it seems impossible to become intellectually competent in such fields. There's always more and more to read.

So that said, what is the point of me reading Plato, or anything in the esoteric world if I'm only ever going to have surface level knowledge? I honestly feel like the more I read, the less I seem to know. Or rather the more I read the more I realize you can't possibly now much because there's always more info around the corner. It seems that what opinion and belief you currently hold is simply current perception you have of said topic but you can never be confident in said belief because its can be subject to change since there's more information creeping around the corner to challenge that belief. There's no absolute truth. I'm sure you can this about anything in the mystical sphere.

How many people have belief the number of the beast was Satan himself through the years, thousands of years, only for modern scholarship to come and say the number of the beast was likely the Emperor Nero? So much fear over that concept and its likely something that's already happened.

How can I confident in spiritual growth/knowledge, when it seems that there's no peak to ever reach?

I want to begin diving into the Gnostic world out of self interests.

But I'm aware that these texts usually have some kind of necessary contexts that is needed in order to understand the texts better. Like I know Neoplatonism is much more confusing without having read Plato and some Aristotle.

So I'd like to know what is necessary to read for the Gnostic sphere.

As far as that world goes, I've only read the entirety of the Bible (The New Oxford Study Bible), Corpus Hermeticum, and the first half on Plato's Complete Works (I find Plato's work confusing and hard to push through so I'm taking a while with that one).

Any guidance appreciated!