u/Coughbrops

i had a therapist who i loved and felt i could communicate literally anything too, however she moved away and i switched to another therapist. after a few sessions i started to really feel comfortable to talk to her with what im dealing with. it took a lot, but i told her what’s going on in my life. long story short; she emailed my parents saying she’s not comfortable being my therapist as i should be in inpatient care. i feel helpless and feel incredibly hesitant seeking a new therapist. ugh.

i’m going thru similar feelings as when my ex therapist dropped me, but i definitely can’t afford the time + money to go impatient. i do want to find a therapist but i don’t want to feel obligated to go, i just want to go when i am not doing good or want to rant about something. is that even realistic? i wonder if their are more experienced therapist for bipolar 1. maybe one that won’t randomly drop me lol.

Don’t get me wrong, i love feeling unstoppable. but i hate the feeling of not sleeping for days and the anxiety after i did some bull shit. i wish i was normal so bad. when im manic i don’t eat either, i often believe im beyond eating and have enough energy to reuse it. people accuse me of being on hard drugs (specifically my parents). will tell me to shut up or i need to slow down. the times i’ve really put myself in risky situations are when im manic- i’m not suicidal but i don’t care if i live or die in these moments

on social media i hear about being manic is this awesome thing when in reality i can find it just as miserable as the major depression cycle. i know everyone’s different so i just wanted to see how you guys feel.

this girl has been NUTS from the start! told me i couldn’t bring any furniture but then brought her treadmill in our small dorm room! she talks bad about me even though i do nothing to her!! definitely an only child im so ready to never see her again, 10 more days and they feel like forever.

i searched for a reddit group about bipolar because i don’t know what to do. i went a whole year without cutting myself and ruined it with a 10 second thought. i’m the most impulsive person i know, how do you guys not act on your impulses? every therapist i’ve talked too doesn’t get it, whenever something upsets me i have the urge to bash my head into a wall. i wish i wasn’t like this- so impulsive. im only 19 years old and i don’t want to keep living like this.