u/Court6045SB

Being a first-time mother to an eight-week-old, I have given this a great deal of pondering.

Some days I love my kid so much it nearly aches; other days my body feels completed and my arms are in pain; all I desire then is five minutes without anyone in need.

And almost immediately the guilt strikes.

guilt about wanting to put him down.

guilt for counting the minutes till the next nap.

Guilt for thinking, “I just need a break,” instead of feeling endlessly grateful.

I never imagined the continual weight of guilt. Though I know logically that it makes no sense, needing rest somehow indicates I am falling at motherhood.

I am not looking for guidance or fixes. I just had to say this out loud to see whether anyone else remembers loving your infant intensely while also being exhausted by your own body.

Currently a first-time mother of an 8-week-old, I have been thinking a great deal on how I felt during pregnancy.

I recall feeling very unpleasant in my body on some days when I was expecting. Everything felt heavy, restricted, and painful; I could not locate a posture that actually felt well. And the guilt would nearly at once follow.

I repeatedly reminded myself I should be thankful. That my body was accomplishing something amazing. That others have it tougher. And while all of that was accurate, it did not cause the annoyance or suffering to vanish.

Wanting that so desperately, I read so many articles about loving your pregnant body and feeling connected to it. Instead, I mainly felt worn down and guilty for even saying it.

Looking back today, I see how much effort I forced myself to feel a specific way during pregnancy instead of just letting it be difficult.

I am only pointing out that if pregnancy makes you feel emotionally exhausted in addition to bodily discomfort, you are not failing; I am not sharing this to offer advice. Some times it's simply much too much to tote at once.

I am not even sure how to say this without sounding melodramatic, but the moment I set my infant down he starts crying. Like immediately.

He is eight weeks old. in my arms? Absolutely calm. On my chest? Just perfect. He loses it when he touches the bassinet, the play mat, or actually anything not me.

It's just me during the day since my husband works long hours. I really cannot recall when I last had a hot supper. I attempted to urinate early and he screamed so violently I felt bad about three-minute sit-down

Everyone urges me to "enjoy the snuggles; it flies so fast," and I really want to. I see. But my body pains and some days it feels like I'm barely keeping myself together.

I keep reading about infants sleeping in their cradles, but I'm just wondering… how? Really how?

I suppose I just had to say this somewhere where others might get it. Because I can't do that; if I state it out loud to family, I know I will hear "just let him cry."

Should this be a phase, I wish it passes quickly. Right now it simply seems very thick.