u/Cradle_Of_Dali

I'd like to begin this introduction, by saying this is going to get really messy. My head is not the brightest place to be, and that definitely reflects.
I was indulging into tulpamancy for a bit now, although I wasn't doing it guided, and moreso referred to Dreams And How To Control Them, by Marquis De Saint Denis. And improvised from that point onward. I head of the practice circa 2018, and since then was enamored by it.
My tulpas however, weren't exactly coming great, most of them are abominable truth be told. The most long-lasting, whom I'd like to not mention by name. Was an amorphous female humanoid, that would slither in and out of my vision, I know she probably was reflective of the memory, I once saw a Hans Bellmer doll (go figure), yet her face was featureless, her voice was akin to a theremin being thrown off the stairs, but I cared not. At the time, it was at least some company, and we grown very close. Her amorphous shape, never bothered me. In fact, I found it quite interesting, because of my original goal - was to just make something to make out with, and that was shallow of me. But ultimately we still stuck together. In fact, one time I tried to force myself on the tulpa, her lower part just reformed into the head of a rhinoceros beetle, it clicked and hissed, before when I tried to do it again, nearly detaching itself just to stab me. That's when I retracted.
Overtime, I started forming her much more coherently, her skin was still mostly pale, but gained a certain blue and rosey tint to it, to make the only coherent part of her face more recognizable, I remember purchasing a color atlas of oral pathology histology and embryology. I heard of the technique, in a Francis Bacon interview, with how he used as basis for his paintings some of the photos, and I just cut them from the atlas, and kept them around the place around house, I would be at, usually getting them in the periphery of the vision. And it worked.
Soon enough, my tulpa formed a decent mouth, and would sometimes speak even, albeit her voice was more just a jumbled mess of sounds, trying to form out speech from snippets of conversations, I heard before. Sometimes also music.
And it was equally the time, I began to understand I feel no usual sexual attraction to it, of course the female body was still there, but it was a little too banal, like a crudely sketched form you can't quite make out. I tried just stockpiling on pornography, and skimming through it passively, just to form it. But, it all was to no avail, although seeing a gaping vulva on the tulpa's stomach was quite a sight.
In the end, I ditched the pornography idea entirely, and overtime noticed her body was reacting to just general media, usually the one viewed before interacting.
Let's just say I tried most, from a whale, to even a body of a caterpillar. I once tried even doing it with a Zdislaw Beksinski, fiddler painting.
But, that's mostly the end of it, for now. Hi!