u/Crazybunnylady123

I'm sorry I have to say this or I will explode.

TW: self harm.

I'm so done man. I'm tired. Tired is a hilarious understatement. I'm standing at a crossroad where one path leads to a death fall off a 500ft cliff and the other blocked by a 500ft rock and ALL I HAVE LEFT IS A FUCKING FORK TO TRY AND CHIP AT THAT ROCK FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE AND STILL DIE BEFORE IT GIVES WAY.

I wanna choose the cliff but I have lots of dumb questions like oh what if I survive the fall? I would be mentally AND physically fucked.

At this point I'd rather stab myself with the damn fork over and over till I cause enough damage to bleed out. AND IT STILL WOULDN'T HURT AS MUCH AS IT DOES TO LIVE THIS GOD FORSAKEN PATHETIC CLUSTERFUCK OF A LIFE.

And you know the only thing stopping me from doing it? My sweet bunny needs that fork to eat his salad. And I like watching him eat. That's it.

Once he drops that fork ohoho boi I'm driving right over that goddamn cliff. I'll even let go of the steering and stab myself over and over to make sure I stay dead. Maybe set the car on fire for good measure. Let's see if I can find a matchbox somewhere.

Thanks for coming to my morbid TED talk.

Anxious singers of reddit, I really really need your help.

I've been asked by my guru to perform at a recital where he will be inviting all his friends on 9th May. He is not a vocal coach, and in my line of singing (Indian classical) there are no vocal coaches like you'd have for western music so he doesnt know about my crippling nervous shutdown on stage. I've only told him that I get very nervous for which he recommends exposure therapy. But this recital; I cannot fuck this up. I just cannot. He trusts me a lot, and I just cannot fail that badly in front of him.

For a very long time (a year almost) I've been trying to do it without external help. I've done lots of exposure therapy but 90% of those experiences end up with me ashamed and frustrated to the point of a mental breakdown where I want to quit.

I sing pretty good in class and at home but if I have to sing literally anywhere else, my body betrays me. My voice feels tight as fuck, I lose access to more than half my range and get unberably embarassing voice cracks at the easiest notes. It's like my body goes into total shutdown and I turn into somebody unrecognizable on stage.

Even with the sets I am quite well prepared with, as soon as I get on stage I just cannot calm down and focus.

I just feel like I need 2-3 good experiences with singing on stage to get comfortable in my body.

Pls can yall share resources that any of you might have used to get over this?